:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Friday, July 09, 2004 ::

musings
I was talking with Estelle the other day. She was upset because car problems had caused her to lose her job. I had asked her what happened to the deal she had worked out with Paul, and she just sort of scoffed.

'Uh-oh,' I thought. So, out came this long winded story about issues that were dragged up from ages ago in relation to this website. I'm thinking, 'Am I in trouble?' But, not really. It's technically not my fault for providing people with a place to discuss things and vent issues, right? What they decide to say is their own perogative.

Anyway, apparently Paul found out that Johnny had called him a liar (perhaps not in so many words) somewhere on the site. Now I'm not about to go digging through my archives or around the forum to find the exact post that could possibly have pointed that fact out. And personally, that's not really what I find to be the problem. If Paul wants to get pissy about something that was said over a year ago (when Johnny last had internet access), probably because of something he himself did, then that's his problem for being a dork over it.

What I'm curious about is how he found out about it. Apparently, his new girlfriend, whom none of us here have ever met because she lives in Pennsylvania, is reading my site. Now... I don't get all that much traffic. I really don't. I know I don't because I do have a bandwidth limit on my hosting package and I can check the access logs and see how many hits I get per day. I can also find those IP addresses that hit my site if I really wanted to... not that it tells me names of people, but I can look.

And... in the process of finding these IP addresses, it tells me how they got to my site. I really don't have all that many people reaching me through search engines, and I have yet to see someone coming through a search engine using my name... or anyone's name, for that matter. I know what people are looking for when they click on my site from a search engine.

So, how did a girl that has never met me and is now dating my ex-boyfriend find my website? And, why is she digging into the archives of my blog to read the comments from over a year ago? Or why is she sifting through messages on the forum that are over a year old?

There are a few theories that seem to make sense that a few people have come up with.

Despite never having told Paul my website, he knows about it. Whether he found out straight from Johnny, or he found out through his cousin from Johnny, he knows I have it. Lord knows, I never told him about it personally. I never had a reason to since I wasn't dating him when I started it up... at least, not when I started the blog portion. I've had the rest of the site since 1996, but never an area where I could just rant about random things for no reason.

Either way, I don't think I ever told him.

Anyway, so what, right? Well... Paul apparently has a girlfriend who's curious. Why would she be curious about a relationship that was over about 5 years ago? Was it because it was such a long relationship? Possibly. I did wait for him to come back from being away in the Navy. We were high school sweethearts. We had been engaged to be married. We had one hell of a rocky breakup. I'll admit it. That was the absolute worst breakup I had ever been through... not that I have all that much experience in the relationship department, let alone breaking up, but still... it wasn't easy.

Either way, I know it was really hard on me. And, if she reads this and tells him, it'll probably make him feel a bit better to hear it. Who knows? And maybe he'll feel better to know that I haven't dated anyone since Kevin... two years ago... and that wasn't even serious. We hung out, and then just stopped calling each other one day. Again... who knows, right? I don't know what he thinks about me anymore, and I'm not going to pretend to know... Hell, I don't even want to guess.

It just seems strange to me that my website would even be an issue. Does he still talk about me that much? Does he read the site and she found it in his bookmarks? I don't get it.

Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but I'm curious now...

snapple "real fact" #360
Mexican jumping beans jump to get out of sunlight.