:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Friday, December 19, 2003 ::

oops
Well... we didn't discuss it. Figures, right? That's actually rather typical of the two of us. I'm not surprised we didn't bring it up. I think he was waiting for me to, and I know I was waiting for him to.

I don't know. Maybe it's not important. It's not like I have time for a boyfriend right now... or the desire to go out and get one. I seem to be really lacking in the relationship motivation department lately.

snapple "real fact" #143
"Q" is the only letter in the alphabet not appearing in the name of any U.S. state.

movie review
I saw it! Only one day after it opened, too! It's rare I get to see anything the same weekend it opens... but, anyway...

John S. and I went to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King last night. This one picks up almost right after the last one leaves off, which is nice. Frodo and Sam are still being falsely led into Sheleob's cave by Gollum... Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, and Gandalf are still staying in Edoras... Merry and Pippin are with the Ents and keeping Saurumon captive in his tower in Eisenguard...

After some regrouping and a celebration for the small victory at Helm's Deep, it's discovered that Minas Tirith is the next target for Sauron. Aragorn fears the worst for Gondor and realizes that the only thing left to do is to return as their king. He reluctantly accepts this at first, but when Elrond arrives with his ancestor's sword and news that Arwyn will die if the war is lost, Aragorn knows he must truly assume his birthright as King of Gondor. Together, with the warriors of Rohan, they ride to the rescue of Minas Tirith.

The sheer numbers of people (not to mention the CG to make them look like more) were just amazing. Orcs, Orukai, cave trolls, oliphants, horses, people, even an entire army of ghosts... The special effects were great. The scenary chosen was absolutely beautiful. And I love the music. I was surprised... Billy Boyd as Pippin and Viggo Mortenson as Aragorn both have singing parts. I was surprised at how lovely both songs were, as well as their voices. It's becoming rarer these days to find actors who are also vocally trained in music.

Of course, I nearly died at how long the ending got. It seemed like they took a bit too long summing everything up. While it's one thing to read all that in a book, they could have cut it down immensely for the movie... and not have made us sit there for 3 hours and 15 minutes. The last time I did that was for Titanic (though there have been some seriously long movies lately...).

Butt numbness on a scale of ten? I'd say about a 7.

:: Thursday, December 18, 2003 ::

visiting again
Bush Undergoes Knee Scans, to Visit Wounded Troops

He's probably got what I've got... Of course, in me, it's a problem because I'm younger.

Either way, I think it's great that he visits the hospital so often to see the troops. Here's a man who truly respects the military. I admire that, especially after having a draft dodger in there... protesting Vietnam from Europe to avoid the draft... {{grumbles}}

the killing continues
Iraqi Insurgents Kill U.S. Soldier in Baghdad

It seems so much more violent with this instant reporting stuff to hear about something every time it happens. Yet, we lost so many more people in other conflicts.

However, the article points out that other Iraqis are standing up for what has become their new way of life. They're going after Saddam's former buddies. Unfortunately, they're being just as violent as the guys going after the coalition forces...

the tangled web
Hussein Enters Post-9/11 Web of U.S. Prisons

It has begun.

graduation false alarm?
Hmm... Seems I'll have to wait until May for the ceremony. I was under the wrong impression, apparently. We'll find out soon enough. I called a few people over at the college, and, while the general impression was May, they had me leave a message for the Dean of Students just to make sure.

Okey doke. Just waiting for a call back now...

{{twiddles thumbs in the meantime}}

subscription double invoice
Hmm... I can't remember if I paid this invoice for one of my magazines or not. I found record of a check I sent them, but the amount is different and now I'm confused. Unfortunately, I don't see a toll free number and I don't feel like calling over to Washington state just to find out.

snapple "real fact" #124
Seals sleep only one and a half minutes at a time.

Sheesh! And here I am with my four hour sleep cycle!

school's done!
Woot! I'm done for the semester! I had my last final tonight and I'm pretty sure I killed on it. I'm so psyched! I graduate on the 23^rd with my Associates of Occupational Sciences (AOS) in Computer Information Systems (CIS). Then, in January, I go back from my Bachelors of Technology (BT) in Computer Information Technology (CIT). Both are programming emphasis.

I don't think I've been this excited about going to school since... kindegarten... ^^;;

turn of events
You know... I like Erin... but there are just some things she sticks her nose in and talks about that she shouldn't. She told John S. the other day that I had never been interested in him and probably never would be. Where she got that information from, I don't know. Perhaps, when she was still dating him, I may have said something along those lines to the effect of 'he's taken and I can't have him'... but I never said that I wasn't interested in him at some point.

It's hard for guys and girls to be friends a not be interested in each other (unless they're homosexual... then it's girls with girls and guys with guys... but the same idea).

Anyway...

He calls me the other day wanting to talk about it because we had already talked previously and I admitted that I harbored some small interest in him. The poor boy's got his signals crossed now.

I know Erin means well. And I know she was trying to answer his question to the best of her knowledge. I'm going to give her the benefit of a doubt and not assume she's trying to screw with people's lives again like she did before we all stopped hanging out last time. But... what bugs me is why.

Does she honestly think that or is she making an assumption based on some strange heresay that technically only applied for when John S. was dating another girl?

Is she trying to force me into waiting for Brian, since I think she likes him a bit better anyway? There's no way I'm going to be a rebound girl. I've done that in the past for her boyfriends. And, even though Brian's well past Erin, he's not past Sammy, yet... heck, the divorce papers haven't even gone through. I'm not doing that.

Could this be a self-defense mechanism? A way to prevent the possibility of John S. and I dating each other to prevent herself from getting hurt by it because they had a bad break up? She's engaged to Jason now... and John S. and I are perfectly capable of dating whomever we'd like to.

Or, is this some sort of strange malicious scheme to prevent John S. or myself from being happy with one another in case we decide that we like being a couple?

Now, I know John S. still harbored feelings for me when he was dating Erin. He told me so. So, there's a possibility that this is her way (conscious or not) of payback for making her jealous. However, John S. and I never acted upon those feelings for two main reasons. Erin and Paul. Even after I broke up with Paul and John S. was still seeing Erin, it never happened. I have standards and I will never go after another girl's guy. I just don't do that. I don't want them to tell me if they broke up with said girl because of me... I refuse to let them cheat on said girl with me... It's a big no no in my book because I know I would hate it if some guy did that to me.

So, now what do I do? Should I ask Erin? Maybe Erin didn't feel any insecurity saying anything because she didn't think John S. and I would have the guts to actually discuss it with each other. Both of us are terrible at acting on our feelings and letting others know that there might be a chance. Erin probably knows that about us. After all, she dated John S. for a couple years, and she and I have been friends since we were 10.

Not counting breaks because we might have been pissed at each other for something.

But, do I really want to broach the subject with her? We've only just recently started hanging out again and I don't know if I'm ready to start something that might rock the boat so soon. Granted, it should probably be addressed at some point... because it might bug me for a while. Then again, it might not. I'm fairly laid back with stuff like this anyway with people, so the subject just might never come up.

The reason I'm even talking about this was because John S. wants to get together and talk now. At first, he made it sound like it was going to be a casual night out, and then he started rambling on my voice mail about what he had talked to Erin about and the things that were said and what he thought... and I'm sitting there watching the little minute timer on my phone slowly increase... {{sigh}}

Guys.

I have probably met the most complex men in history. Everyone says women are the more convoluted sex, but the men in my life have more issues than I do!

lord of the rings withdrawal
Estelle said Big Paul was taking Johnny to see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King today. Opening night... I hate finals. They interfere with my going out time. And I don't want to go this weekend because it'll be sold out and I'll have to buy tickets like four shows in advance.

Hmmm...

I wonder.

Maybe Brian's uncle can get us tickets... I'll have to ask.

city trip
Mom and I are debating going into the city this weekend... Unfortunately, her leg's been bothering her, so I don't think that's going to happen. Plus, the plumber is coming on Saturday for the yearly community inspection. We live at the end of the building's sewage pipe (which sucks when someone down the line clogs...), so the condominium board makes us sit home and wait for an indefinite time all day so the plumber can show up when he feels like to check the system. I hate living on the end.

But, it beats being stuck in between two noisy neighbors.

snapple "real fact" #165
Your eye expands up to 45% when looking at something pleasing.

Hmm... and what would that pleasing thing be? Of course, I think I got this one already, but I'm tired of trying to find them all.

:: Wednesday, December 17, 2003 ::

playing to a different tune
Democrats Intensify Their Attacks on Dean

I love it... all anti-war and stuff... anti-Bush... until one of their opponents starts jumping on the bandwagon. I think that says it all.

:: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 ::

justice
Bush Voices Opinion on Saddam's Penalty

I refuse to use their headline, as he never actually said "death penalty". Plus, he also made clear in his interview that what he said was his personal opinion and feelings, and that the true fate of Saddam Hussein should be decided by the people the former dictator violated... the Iraqi people.

And... with Bush's opinion now in the open, other world leaders weigh in their own. Some are for it, some are against. The UN opposes it completely...

But, on this one, I defer to the Iraqis. Let them decide what to do with the man who caused them so much grief.

"but i don't like spam..."
Bush Signs First National Anti-Spam Bill Into Law

Woot! Now... let's hope it works.

why are things unfair?
Be warned... no flowery language... just my raw anger...

I just don't get it. They say life is short... but why make it shorter than it should be? It's just so damn unfair. He was younger than me... and that not only angers me, but it frightens me. Sure, I know Death is no respector of persons... regarding not youth nor youth's ambitions... One of the lessons of Rainbow teaches us that.

"We would teach the lesson that Death is no respector of persons. It takes the babe and the mother. It lays its hand upon the flower and tree. It regards not youth nor youth's ambitions. Death, my young woman, in all its solemnity, may come to you, but your soul is immortal. Even though your body may die, you will live forever."

However, I still don't see how taking someone who was barely legal is fair. I know life isn't fair... which means death isn't fair either. It doesn't make it any easier. It just sucks the big one even more.

And sure, I've experienced death among my peers. It's nothing new to me. I've seen friends die... but never one who was five years younger than me. Five years! How is that right? And no... not a "typical" teenager/twenty-something death in a car accident... but horrifying and debilitating disease, that again, I've seen the ravages of too often.

Just too often.

I can't do it. I'm just so angry at Fate right now.

No... I haven't let myself cry, yet. I've been close... but not quite. I'm not sure if I should. It's a strange confusion I feel. I mean, how well did I truly know him? We talked over YIM... never even activated voice... yet what's happened has stirred something inside. It's terribly tragic, and I want to cry. I want to be with all those who knew him and just hug... just hold each other in support... but we're so far away.

And I think that's the worst part. I can't fulfill what I feel I need to do. Distance, lack of money and traveling time, and just sheer inability to be there get in the way of what I need to close this. I feel I need to call everyone. I suddenly want to make more personal contact with these people... that I missed out on something that could have been deeper friendship than what it was... an online friend and roleplaying companion. Yet... could it have been more?

Now I'll never know... and that hurts. In a weird way, it hurts.

Damn.

We rarely interacted outside of the RPGs... yet I miss the guy... and it's only been two days...

Maybe I should try to cry... maybe I'll feel better to let it out... Yet, I haven't even told my parents. Part of me worries they might see me being upset as silly. But, I basically knew AJ for... two years? I don't even know. It's hard thinking back to a time before I met him. It's hard thinking back to a time before I met any of the people I know online.

And I'd miss them, too...

God... I just don't know how I feel...

:: Sunday, December 14, 2003 ::

goodbyes are never easy
I lost someone I considered a friend today. While I had never met him face to face, it still touches me that he's gone. I'm still not completely sure how I feel, but the saddest part I think about it was that he was younger than me. I mean, granted, when it's your time, it's your time, but... why? And why did he have to go through what he went through?

I can't believe I've known him as long as I have. It's amazing how quickly time goes by without you realizing it.

Albert Johnson was diagnosed in June with brain cancer and outlooks weren't good even then. He had been doing better for a while, but he finally passed on in his sleep this morning. I may never have met him... but I will miss him. I really will.

A nightmare on elm Street.


what johnny depp movee do u belong in?
brought to you by Quizilla

umm.... riiiiight

-----


Congratulations! You're Faramir!


Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh... heh...

movie review
The Haunted Mansion, starring Eddie Murphy (Shrek, Beverly Hills Cop, Saturday Night Live), is a ghost story with a twist. Jim Evers, a workaholic real estate man, is totally devoted to his job... even at the expense of spending time with his family. However, when his wife Sara receives a call about a possible sale, Jim finds himself in for the ride of his life... and a lesson on just how important it is to be with the ones you love.

This movie is hysterical. It's more along the lines of High Spirits instead of House on Haunted Hill. It's a fun romp through a graveyard and some hidden passageways, searching for clues and trying to save the living from being eternally bound to the dead. Also in the cast are Jennifer Tilly and Wallace Shawn.

I laughed like crazy! It was a great movie! The special effects are fun (especially the singing quartet of busts in the graveyard), and the hijinks are all over the place. I really liked this one and I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a good laugh.

snow!
Again!!!

But, it is December. Of course, this means any plans I had for tonight might be cancelled. Oh well.

busy week
Brian and I hung out a lot this week. We saw Disney's The Haunted Mansion with Eddie Murphy and went to Dave & Busters. I beat him at almost every game we played. He even tried to pick some that he had played before and won at against other people... I still beat him. ^^;; He wasn't too happy about that.

bad news
Things aren't going well with a friend of mine.

It's kind of strange. I know a lot of people online, and I've gotten news of them going through troubles and stuff. Just recently, one had pneumonia and was in the hospital for a while. They have children, or get married, or get new jobs. There's moving, graduations, children's weddings. It's funny how involved in each other's lives we get, despite never meeting face to face.

There was one time when I found out that one of the people I had known online had committed suicide. I wasn't sure how to feel. Here was someone I had never met in real life, yet I felt like I knew them pretty well. I was surprised, shocked, a bit startled... I don't know if I was sad, per se... but it was a strange feeling. I did feel down about it. It's definitely sad news.

So, now... when I hear bad news about other people online, it's a strange feeling I get. Almost a detatched sadness. These are people that I've known for a while, some of them for quite a few years. Yet... I've never met them face to face. I'm just not sure what to feel.

snapple "real fact" # 115
Bamboo makes up 99% of a panda's diet.

Hmm... don't they teach that to three-year-olds?

could it be over?
Army Tells of Pulling Bewildered Saddam from Hole

Saddam Captured Hiding in Hole Near Tikrit

Bush Says Capture Marks End of Road for Saddam

I think the headlines say it all.