:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Saturday, April 19, 2003 ::

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new truck
Dad picked up the truck this morning. Now we have five vehicles sitting around the commons. My car, Mom's truck, Dad's old truck, Dad's new truck, and Nana's car (which Dad is using to travel right now). Dad wants to pull stuff from the old truck to put on the new truck and then, once he's got the registration settled with the plates and all, we can give Nana back her car. Then, I think he's going to donate the old truck so he can write it off on next year's taxes. Then, we'll be back down to our normal three vehicles.

{{evil grin}} I just think it's cool that we're the ones taking up all the parking spots this time.

waiting
Waiting for John S to call. He had some chores to do this morning, as did I. While mine are fairly "I can do this whenever", I'm using them to kill time while I'm waiting. Things like organizing the papers here on the table, finishing my packet for Net Lab & Troubleshooting, cleaning my car, redoing the duct tape on the chrome fender moldings so they don't pop off again... Yeah, I still haven't redone those rivets. I have no clue how, nor do I have immediate access to a rivet gun. Dad said he would do it for me, or at least help me do it, but he keeps forgetting to get ahold of the rivet gun he has access to.

I did a quick wash, cleaned the windows, and cleaned most of the interior (I didn't vaccuum, though). I got lazy on the wheel rims. They're the ones with all the small spokes, so they're really hard to clean. They look great once it's done, but I just didn't have the energy to do them. I need to save up some money and get the car really detailed and compounded. I've got some road grim that's stuck on bad, and I just can't scrub it off anymore without risking the paint job. First, I want to get the splash guards on the tires, though.

sigh-ness
Mom went and got her hair done again today. Dad's stopping at Nana's to help with some yardwork and then install the new faucet for their bathroom. Then, Mom's got a dentist's appointment. Nancy called and asked if I wanted to go over to Grandma's with her, Bill, and the kids. I might have considered it if I hadn't promised John S about the Visual Basic homework last night. And then, it would have taken some serious consideration since, as much as I love my cousins, I can't take all four of them at once in a minivan. In a house, not a problem, because there are separate rooms, but not in a minivan. I've done it. It's not fun.

Plus, Nana and Auntie Lyn are coming over tomorrow. In a way, John S asking me for help with his homework saved me from four rambunctious kids in a minivan and having to deal with the stress of Nana and Auntie Lyn in the same building two days in a row. Considering I've been bordering on a combination of an anxiety attack and just outright depression all week, that's a good thing.

updates
I did several... I lost track. But I'm sure you can find them if you look. Let's see who's paying attention... {{evil grin}}

blogging notability
Bloggers are noted again! We seem to be drawing an awful lot of attention to ourselves, don't we?

busted
Well, the plans for tonight kind of fell through. Oh well. We can always do it some other time.

private tutoring
Tomorrow, I'm going over to John's for a bit to help him with his Visual Basic homework. He's stuck on a few things and, now that he has a computer of his own, I can help him with stuff. He had called earlier, but it's hard to describe and talk about coding over the phone. ^^;;;

plane issues
My dad's brother Richard came out from CA today. His flight, which was supposed to be direct from Los Angeles to JFK, landed momentarily in Phoenix to offload some suspicious passengers. Rich was really upset, needless to say. Yahoo! has a story from Reuters about it. The flight ended up being a couples hours late on arrival, but Rich was able to get to a phone and let Dad know what was going on so he wouldn't be sitting at Kennedy airport waiting.

Whew... close call.

so maybe he did do it
They arrested Scott Peterson for Laci's murder. Apparently, he was having an affair, but my question is, why kill her? Was he really that against having to pay alimony and child support? Geeze. What a sicko way of avoiding it, huh?

:: Friday, April 18, 2003 ::

You are a SILVER dragon. You are strong and silent.
When others offend you or your loved ones, you
will fight and fight to the end. You never give
up and you are very strong willed and stubborn.


What color would you be if you were a dragon?
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Which girl in Middle-earth are you?
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You are Natasha from Prokofiev's "War and
Peace"!
You're a very warm and fun-loving person. People
find you enchanting, though some may try to
take advantage of your trusting nature. You
might make mistakes in your life, but you learn
from them and usually wind up doing the right
thing.


Which DIVA are you?
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Well, I wouldn't say I'm trusting...

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You are an archer. Your bow occupies every thought
of your head, and everything else you do. You
live for the day when you will be even more
renowned than Robin Hood for your incredible
marksmanship.


What Fantasy Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I got some killer roles when I was playing an elven archer, too... *__*

lalalala
Yeah... I'm bored.

night on the town
Estelle and I went up to Port Jefferson Wednesday. ^_^ We walked around town, looked at stuff. It was such a gorgeous day, and there was this great breeze coming in off the Sound. We wanted to hit this particular little shop, but it wasn't open. We got to go in a few others instead, though. That town closes up by 6 pm, though. That's the only problem with the place. There weren't many places left open.

We played on the swings! It was crazy. Here are two people plenty old enough to drink, and we're playing on the swings instead of sitting in the bar down the street. It was fun!! {{does the fun dance}} Plus, the swings are free. Drinks are not. >P

We went back to her place afterwards when the breeze started to get a bit too chilly. We played around with the computer a bit and then talked some. Johnny came home with the baby (who was out like a light). I didn't leave until almost 3 am. It was nice to just sit and talk like that for so long.

Estelle said the baby's coming off his Scooby Doo withdrawal. Johnny had taken the DVD player over to a friend's house and hasn't hooked it back up, yet. The baby wouldn't stop asking for it for like two days. Of course, going from watching Scooby Doo twice a day to not at all is rough on a 'not quite 2' year old. It would probably be rough on me, too. ^^;;;

nothing!
Yup, that's what I did yesterday. It was cool. I didn't have school to worry about, I didn't do anything. Of course, I was still really tired from Wednesday. I had been up since 7:30 and didn't go to bed until after I got home, so I'd been awake for over 20 hours straight. And they weren't 20 hours of doing nothing, either. So, yesterday, I kicked back and relaxed. Slept a lot, too... ^^;;

bad me
I haven't been keeping up on my news. Blah. I just didn't feel like watching any news the last few days.

plans for tonight
I think I'm hanging out with Cathy tonight. I left a message for her at work to give me a call when she goes on lunch later. We had made plans to go out tonight, but we made them a few weeks ago. Since then, she and Nick had like a huge blowout and broke up for a while. I think they're back together, but I'm not sure what the deal is for tonight. She hasn't called me since we first made plans. I'll find out in a bit.

lunch time
Speaking of lunch... I'm starved.

:: Wednesday, April 16, 2003 ::

merchandising!
Wil Wheaton Dot Net has shirts.

{{blinks}}

Yeah.

[ name ]: Jessi-Lynne
[ nicknames ]: Too many to list
[ born in ]: October
[ resides in ]: Long Island
[ good student ]: Guess so... I'm gettin' an award!!! ^_^
[ eyes ]: yes... they're blue, if that's what you're asking. >P
[ hair ]: I have that, too... I think it's medium reddish brown, but the ends are a bit blondish because it washed out.


last time you...
[ had a nightmare ]: Um... I don't normally remember my dreams.
[ said "i love you" and meant it ]: to my parents not that long ago
[ ate at mcdonald's ]: hmm.... A while ago now. Even the trip to Grand Assembly consisted of a BK breakfast and an Arby's Club Sandwich
[ dyed your hair ]: about a month ago... I'm almost due for a touch up
[ brushed your hair ]: right after I showered earlier today... duh...
[ washed your hair ]: today
[ checked your e-mail ]: today
[ cried ]: good question... I don't let myself very often
[ called someone ]: last night... I called Brian back.
[ smiled ]: Earlier today while I was on the phone with Estelle
[ laughed ]: see above
[ talked to an ex ]: Not for a long time... and we didn't even really talk. We stood there with a group of people and talked to everyone else.

do you...
[ have any straight friends? ]: eh? straight heterosexual? or straight as in just friends? I've got both, if you're wondering.
[ consider love a mistake? ]: only when it doesn't work, I guess...
[ believe in god? ]: Not God per se, but there's definitely something out there... I wouldn't call it "fate" either...
[ go to church? ]: No
[ have any secrets? ]: I don't know if I have any left that people haven't found out about (nothing to do with Blog!!!)
[ have any pets? ]: 3 cats
[ talk to strangers who instant message you? ]: only to mess with their heads when I'm in a playful mood
[ wear hats? ]: sometimes, but not often
[ have any piercings? ]: one in each ear
[ have any tattoos? ]: Nope, I'm too chicken
[ hate yourself? ]: that's a mood based question, isn't it?
[ have an obsession? ]: heh... ^^;;; I won't answer that.
[ have a secret crush? ]: Not at the moment
[ collect anything? ]: yes... not listing everything
[ have a best friend? ]: I think so... Kind of hard to say on that one because I have past issues with using the terminology "best friend"
[ like your handwriting? ]: never thought about it
[ have any bad habits? ]: yes {{slaps hands from biting nails again}} I had stopped... for about two months..
[ care about looks? ]: Yes... sometimes...
[ boy/girlfriend's looks? ]: see above
[ friends and other people? ]: nope
[ believe in witches? ]: {{sings}} Do you believe in magic?
[ believe in satan? ]: not really, but I believe in balance, so I guess there's a bad force to oppose my good force... "I see your Schwartz is as big as mine."
[ believe in ghosts? ]: Yes



your current...
[ dress ]: jeans and a shirt
[ mood ]: calm
[ music ]: Sarah MacLoughlin, "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy"
[ taste ]: errr... huh?
[ hair ]: long
[ annoyance ]: stupid drivers
[ smell ]: my basement
[ thought ]: why am I taking another survey?
[ book ]: Star Trek: Gateways, Book 7
[ fingernail color ]: I bit them off, so I didn't put any color on them
[ refreshment ]: Wild Cherry Pepsi, but I finished it already...


last person...
[ you touched ]: John S and I hugged.
[ you talked to ]: Mom when she came home
[ you hugged ]: John S
[ you instant messaged ]: errr... I've been avoiding messenger lately.
[ you yelled at ]: stupid driver who insisted on making a left around my right when I was making the exact same turn
[ who broke your heart ]: wow... um...I guess Paul... I wouldn't call what happened with Stephen "heart breaking", that was just saddening
[ you kissed ]: hmmm... depends on the kiss.


who do you want to...

[ kill ]: stupid drivers?
[ slap ]: stupid drivers?
[ tickle ]: heh... No comment
[ talk to ]: umm... I'll say when I'm feeling social. >P
[ have sex with ]: {{blush}}
[ be like ]: "I wanna be like Mike." x.x;; Not.

cnn concedes?
Well, not exactly, but they're interviewing (on Monday) the woman in charge of A Small Victory and who's one of the big wigs of The Command Post.

Slogan - "The Command Post... Making CNN look like a school newspaper."

I'm probably the only person that finds this fact mildly amusing...

feeling better
Well, I'm not as down today. I was actually able to sit back and really enjoy a couple movies on TV today.

tv time
I caught the end of Twelfth Night. It's a Shakespearean play about a woman searching for her twin brother. She ends up disguising herself as her twin and joining the military in hopes of finding him. She doesn't realize that he's stationed near by, in the same military. It's a love story with mistaken identity and disguises. The one I saw starred Helena Bonam Carter (Planet of the Apes) and Ben Kingsley (The King and I). I've seen it before and I've always been a huge Shakespeare buff. It was nice to catch the end of it.

I sat through Josie and the Pussycats, too. Start to finish. It's a really cute movie based on the characters from the Archie comic (and the hit cartoon show "Josie and the Pussycats" that stemmed from it). Three girls just trying to make it big in rock-n-roll end up getting this amazing record deal without even trying out. Within a week, they're chart toppers, and they have no idea how. Suspicions start to rise when Josie suddenly starts acting like she doesn't want the other two around anymore after listening to a remix of one of "HER" songs. Very cute movie. I really got a good laugh from it.

speaking of tv
I saw on the news this morning that they think they found the body of that Modesto, CA woman. Two corpses washed up in the Bay area, a woman who's about the same height and a baby. The woman was wearing a nursing bra, which means the baby was probably fairly new. Since Lacy Peterson was 8 1/2 months pregnant when she disappeared, it would make sense. Unfortunately, the corpses weren't 'whole', so they have to call in experts to identify the remains. {{turns a little green}}

Mom's convinced it was the husband that killed them or something. He's suddenly disappeared, and even the police don't know where he is.

war news
Coalition forces raided the residence of "Dr Germ", a scientist believed to be responsible for many of Iraq's presumed biological weapons of mass destruction. I caught that really quick on Fox News this morning when I clicked on the TV. I didn't get all the details, though.

last night's movie
Last night, John S and I watched Interview with a Vampire. I hadn't seen it before. John S is obsessed with anything Anne Rice, so I was watching with a self-proclaimed expert. ^_^

Anyway, I found it very strange. The whole theatre scene was very odd, to say the least. Mom said that there wasn't as much in the homosexual undertones (or overtones, with how strong the suggestions were) in the book as there were in the movie. I could see how it would fit, since vampires are notoriously seductive and sensual creatures. John S said the movie didn't do the book justice, and that it was much better to read than watch.

Guess I have another reading assignment for myself. ^^;;

tonight tonight
Ahhh... West Side Story... Sorry... lyrical moment.

Anyway, I'm hanging out with Estelle tonight. Just us girls, it seems. Johnny's taking the baby to his parents' place so Estelle can have a night off. I think that's really cool. It's good for a parent not to have to play parent all the time.

So I've heard anyway. ^^;;;

big news
I heard from Brian finally. He called me last night. He's waiting on deployment, but he's still down in Texas at the moment. He's going in as part of the occupational force now that the war is pretty much over. Right now, it's just a matter of time before he goes. He thinks early May.

The big news is that he's married. x.x;;; Well, now I'm really convinced I'll be the last one of the group. LOL. He always thought I'd get married before him. Go figure. {{shrugs}} His brother got married, too. Five days earlier. For a while, they weren't sure if Danny was going to get deployed, but, because things have settled down a bit over there, he might not. He's waiting out that news on a base in New Jersey right now.

all's quiet on the employment front
Movie title rip off alert... If anyone can guess the movie, you get a cookie. >P

I sent out a few résumés again. Still haven't heard back. {{sigh}} I got another address of a potential when I was looking through the Suffolk Life classifieds. I'll be hitting those probably tomorrow.

free $$$
I also finished up my application for state financial aid. I have to go mail that out now...

:: Tuesday, April 15, 2003 ::

wow
Blogger's totally messed up tonight. I just went to update my template. While the semi-current template is coming up on the page (without the changes I'm currently trying to make), the previous template with all the 'ness' headings and the last quote is currently coming up in the text box on my template editing page. Not to mention all the quizzes are again linked in my navcolumn, as well as the 'friends blogs' are all done with the 'ickle Ronnie-kins' style names that I used when I first put this baby up.

Can we say, "strange"?

Well, my archive page is up to date at the moment and I'll be changing the template on the quiz site as well. No drastic changes yet. I lost my drive to finish my plans on that one. Either way, I do have a 'current' copy saved, so I'm not too worried about losing it. It's just a matter of copying and pasting.

missing persons report
{{hands a missing persons report to her internet friends with a picture of Dan paperclipped to the outside of the folder}}

You guys seen him? I haven't.

messenger
As for being on any IM programs... I really haven't felt very social lately. I'm sorry to anyone that may have wanted to talk to me about anything for not being there, but I'm seriously having issues here, and I don't think I'd be a very good listener right now. I'm sure once this passes I'll be up to it again. If I start feeling sociable again, I will be on. I promise.

:: Monday, April 14, 2003 ::

yay
And, if I have to hear it one more time about my sleeping habits, I'm going to freak. I love my mother, but she does she have to constantly remind me that my sleeping habits suck lately?

Apparently so.

I'm also apparently going to be in big trouble or something if she comes down for work in the morning and finds me still awake. If I can't sleep, I can't sleep. What's so hard to understand about that?

And, yes, I'm 25. Apparently, that still falls under the "maximum age to be in big trouble" in this house. Don't they realize that a 25-year-old doesn't care about being in big trouble with their parents anymore? Maybe when I was younger, but not now. Besides, I already know I'm never getting kicked out. My parents aren't like that, thank God.

It's just that one thing goes wrong on one day, and they criticize me and everything about me for a week or more. Not to mention the fact that half of our overall conversations (when everything's all hunkey dorey) always manage to twist somehow into a topic where they dwell on one of my many shortcomings.

And people wonder why I don't like myself very much. I already know my shortcomings, thank you. I don't need to be constantly reminded of them. I'll just hold them close to my heart like I always do and hide in my room or the basement for a while.

{{puts on the bungee cord again and hopes it doesn't break on this fall into the hole}}

This is why I'm a roleplaying freak. It gives me an escape from the reality that (85% of the time) sucks around here. I can pretend to be someone who doesn't have a big nose, bad skin, dandruff, oily hair that doesn't cooperate, and who can actually fit into her entire wardrobe. I can pretend to be something other than the jobless, boyfriend-less, college computer geek that I am. The under/overqualified limbo walker that can't find anyone who doesn't think I'll bolt at the first sign of a higher paycheck (which I would anyway), who doesn't think I'm shortselling myself for a job, or who doesn't think I have the experience/knowledge/know how/etc to handle the other job.

I'm really thinking about just dumping my résumé in the trash. It undersells me for some things, over sells me for others, makes me look like a total inbetweener that no one wants to deal with. Yes, I can program in Visual Basic, but that doesn't mean I won't take the receptionist job that pays $10/hr with full benefits. Yes, I can program in Visual Basic, but, sorry, I haven't graduated with my 4 year degree, yet. That's a work in progress. No, I don't have any major professional experience over a year in my field. Yes, I worked in my field for a year at a job that paid me approx $28,000 a year ($13.50/hr). Yes, I understand this customer service position only pays $8/hr. Yes, it does take me 45 minutes to get here. No, I need to be on the first shift because I'm finishing my degree at night.

Sleep? What's that?

I haven't heard diddly from those job interviews I went on at the end of last month. Nice big blow to my already rockbottom self-esteem. {{waves a Monty Python flag}} Yayyy...

I just recently sent out two more résumés to two more job openings. Maybe I'll actually hear something back on them.

Mom said I should go apply to Splish Splash again this summer. I thought about it, but they didn't call me back last summer. Why would they this summer? Nothing's changed, except I've been out of work for another whole year. Yeah, that looks really good. And there's no health benefits. So I'm still wandering around without health insurance hoping I don't get deathly ill or something.

Okay... pissy to okay to downright depressed. I'm a big one today!

Hopefully, I'm just PMS-ing, and this will all end in a week.

Hopefully.

the tiniest things
As proof of my mood swings lately, I give you this:



I found the order of those three lines terribly amusing... I added some punctuation in red for effect. ^_^;;

post review
{{reads post about venting}}

Yikes... I was pretty pissy earlier.

{{ponders changing certain words for people to get full effect, but decides she's scared enough people for one day}}

name change
Conservative Thinking is now Daily News Report. Just wanted to share that with all of you.

new links
The owner/publisher of A Small Victory is a member of the staff (actually, the main member/owner) of Command Post as well. This is a news oriented site updated by several people around the world. It's up to the minute news as best as they can find it with very little editorializing.

Hey, O'Reilly, found another "No Spin Zone". I've added Bill's regular page, along with his Fox News page.

a pop up i actually like?
Well, seems Dave Barry was pointed towards a COOL pop-up ad. This is probably the only one I'd ever actually watch if it came up on my screen. I wonder if this was for real and, if so, how long it took to get it to run correctly.

(found on Dave's Blog as contributed by one of his readers, Myke Predko)

and i thought trying to trim my cat's claws was a painful experience
Kristina Ogilvie gives Dave an interesting link to Japanese Cat fashions, including the 'sailor fuku' worn by Japanese School Girls. For those of you who are not Japanese-fluent, you won't be able to read a darn thing, but the pictures are quite descriptive.

album update
Jewel's new album, 0304, is due out June 3rd! Don't forget to mark your calendars! Her new hit single, "Intuition" is awesome!

And, she's coming to Central Park, NYC on May 10th at the Rumsey Playfield! And it's free!!! {{drools}} Must... find... a... way... to... go...

{{scours other blogs for quizzes to steal and take}}

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What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.


And I hate Krusty, too...

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What
cartoon dog are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.


I think this one is effected by mood... If it's effected by fandom, I know someone who would get Scooby Doo. ~_^;; {{sheepishly looks at Estelle}}

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Are you racist?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.


I coulda told ya that... x.x;; Then again, what exactly is this guy basing that on?

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How DUMB are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.


Now there's a relief...

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borderline


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow... Can we look at a comparison of the last several posts to each other as examples??? O.O;; Kinda freaky, considering the person who wrote this most likely doesn't have a psychology degree...

venting insanity
Yup... the next few paragraphs will not be titled because I simply can't be bothered at the moment.

Mainly, I want to go curl up somewhere and disappear.

Because of my own fecking stupidity again (Lord knows I get confused so damn easily when it comes to matters of money), I got my car insurance cancelled. So we sat through the entire reapplication process, which I'm probably going to end up with the same fecking insurance company anyway because of that dumb motorist pool NY state loves to dump us all in. Now my parents are pissed ('cuz *I* sure as hell didn't have $300 to pay) and I know where that half of my refund is going.

The other half is going to cover other bills. No fun stuff for me. Yup, I royally screwed myself this time.

Plus, Mom's complaining about my room again, and they're both complaining about my lack of job, and, because I've been so fecking rollercoaster-ish with my feelings lately, my sleep patterns are all out of whack, which my parents just *love*... {{rolls eyes}} So I got to hear all about that this past weekend.

Not "Are you okay?" but "Get the hell outta bed!" Umm... Hello? Do I *look* like I'm feeling okay? I had a fecking headache, for crying out loud! Leave me alone!

So basically, I'm in a majorly pissy mood right now. And, did you know that, in the short distance it is from my house to my insurance agent's office (a whole whopping five minutes in the car!), you can meet every kind of arsehole there ever was to own a car? Between the guy swerving around me to cut in front of me and make the left turn (the same left turn I was making at the same time!) and the stupid old man who too senile to use his directionals as he cuts across two lanes of traffic to use the exit ramp and the woman who decided she was going to try and make the truck in front of me go faster by crawling up *MY* rear bumper, I was not a happy driver.

So, I come home to a thankfully empty house (I really didn't want to hear anything from my parents since I'm about >thisclose< to screaming at the top of my lungs for no reason) only to have my cat sitting in my room howling her head off. Not what I want to hear. While it may not seem like a big deal, you have to hear it yourself. It sounds like (a) she's going to puke all over the fecking room or (b) she's in pain and dying on my bed. Not a pleasant thing to listen to. I'm surprised my neighbors haven't called the ASPCA or something on us. Especially when she does it at three in the fecking morning.

Then again, my neighbors aren't quite all there either. I had to listen to their TV that they don't even watch blaring through the wall while he yelled at her for something or other again this morning.

On top of it all, I forgot the registration for my car, so I had to drive *back* down to the insurance agent's office with that. I also forgot to bring my film with me while I was out so I could get it developed and send the picture to Missy M, Kelly H, and Geraldine for the Majority Service at Grand Assembly, *and* there's a message on the machine from John S that he's cancelling getting together tonight.

Yes, we're getting together tomorrow night instead, but still... I really could have used it tonight. Instead, I'm stuck home with parents who are pissed at me while I'm pissed at myself.

Yay... what fun...

Don't be surprised if I don't jump up and cheer.

:: Sunday, April 13, 2003 ::

movie review
I watched Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron today. We've had the DVD for like a month and a half... ^^;;; I just hadn't watched it.

Anyway...

The animation was amazing! I was watching the special features, and the artist said it's extremely difficult to draw a horse well, let alone animate one on the screen. It was great! They used a combination of computer and hand drawn effects, which is something that's been around almost regularly now since Beauty and the Beast and "Blue Submarine No. 6". The landscapes they created, as well as some of the "camera shots" they were able to do were fabulous.

The story was very "feel good ending". Spirit is a wild horse, born on the western plains of the U.S. He ends up being captured by horse wranglers and goes through a series of people and groups that try to break him in and use him for their own purposes. First, he's "recruited" into the US Army. Then, he spends some time at an indian camp, where he meets up with (and falls in love with) a mare that belonged to one of the indians. He then ends up as a work horse on the railroads. Each time, this wild stallion makes a spectacular escape, sometimes aided by someone, sometimes aiding someone else (whether human or beast). It's a happy ending with some very sad parts, and it really shows a struggle for the horse to make it through and not give up hope on seeing his home again.

While there was not a lot of dialog (the horses don't talk in this one, unlike most Disney films), Matt Damon (The Bourne Identity, The Legend of Bagger Vance) narrates the story as the thoughts of Spirit throughout his tale. While the constant horse noises to show communication between the various horses can get a bit frustrating at times, there's enough narration and human dialog interspersed throughout the movie so that your not sitting there listening to a lot of animal noises.

sinusitis
I hate sinusitis. I spent all day yesterday in bed with a nasty sinus headache. My sinuses are better today, but my back is achy from spending all day in bed. ^^;;;

tax season
I also finished up my Federal and State taxes today. I'm getting mega-refunds! Well, as mega as I can get considering I didn't work all that much. It helps that I was independant and was able to claim education credit, which I did on both returns. I've got money coming to me!!! YAY! {{does the happy $$$ dance}}

maybe next time
Dad didn't pick up the truck today. He's going next Saturday. He had to work sporting clays out at the club again today, and it would have just been too hectic to work out car issues. This way, he'll have the proper registration and everything to put on the truck when he brings it home. He's already started pulling stuff he wants to keep off the other one.

special delivery
Mom went catalog/online shopping nuts again. ^^;; She pre-ordered HP: CoS from Amazon, and we just got it in the mail yesterday. She also hit the Pyramid Collection catalog, but combined orders with a bunch of people from work to save on shipping. She got herself the chakra candle holder, which is an arched wireframe with seven cups (each color of the rainbow) that hold candles. It's really pretty all lit up. We had it going Friday when the Notary came over to finish up on the loan.

Mom also got me a really cool dragon t-shirt ( *_* ) and two cute anklets. Now, if I can get up the nerve to wear shorts again this summer... x.x;; Maybe I should renew my pool pass this year and get some exercising in.

speaking of shopping...
Mom finally went out and got some clothes for herself today. Like me, she doesn't think very highly of herself, so it's hard to get her to go shopping. She loves buying things for everyone else, but it's like pulling teeth to get her to buy clothes for herself. She's very picky about what she wears, and it's hard to get her to wear something that's outside her normal 'style'. She has quite a few shirts and things that I think look very nice on her, but she always gets extremely self-conscious about wearing them. Either way, I'm glad she went out and got stuff for herself.

then again...
She got rear-ended. No damage to the truck (thank goodness, it's a lease!), but Auntie Lyn's neck went out of whack again. Mom called an ambulance since Auntie Lyn started to freak out. She's been rear-ended twice, both resulting in a neck injury. Now, with the arthritis, it's only going to make things ten times worse. The guy that hit Mom got out of his car right away, was all "Nobody hurt? No damage? Okay!" and almost drove off. Mom insisted on a police report and an ambulance because of how freaked out Auntie Lyn was.

spring break!
That's right! I'm off from school this entire week! YAY!!! I'm hanging out with Estelle and Johnny on Wednesday, and with John S tomorrow night. He called like two minutes before I posted this and we made plans. We haven't seen each other since before Grand Assembly. He didn't make it to I-CON either. Actually, I haven't seen a lot of people since before Grand Assembly. ^^;;;

feelin' the luv... or not
I got an e-mail from Scott. He said he was really busy and couldn't talk that night, and he was wondering how Dad and I did on our first trip to I-CON. It seems I've overreacted again.

Of course, I once again felt left out of everything during the meeting last Friday. I really hate feeling like a spare tire (only included when I'm needed). If it wasn't for wanting to be there for Aly, I probably would have given up long ago. Sometimes, I wonder why I bother. I sat there, in the middle of the group, of all places, and still felt left out of the conversation. It's one thing if you're sitting on the end, but I was in the middle, for crying out loud! Is that even possible? I mean, I would go to say something and everyone jumped on my words like I hadn't even opened my mouth. Sometimes I feel like the only reason I go is to just serve as acting Worthy Advisor for the nights we can actually have a ritual meeting simply because no one else wants to. Otherwise, I'm not asked about anything. It's sad when you feel more welcome in other Districts than you do in your own. Sometimes, I'm tempted to move into Nassau or the city since those Districts actually want me around.

Except Patty, Deidre, Mom, and Aly. I give them hugs galore. It seems they're the only members in Suffolk that truly see just how much Rainbow means to me, and they appreciate all the work I've done and all the help I've offered them. To them, I'm not the spare tire, the chaffeur, the sideliner that's just always there to sit and watch. They know I want to be involved and want to continue supporting the organization. Thanks, guys!

what's wrong with me?
Anne wrote on her blog about how the depression can get to her sometimes. Where she likens hers to a heavy wet cloak, I liken mine to a deep hole in soft ground. That ugly paranoia monster is the main thing chasing me over the edge lately. And no matter how hard I try to keep myself from falling or how hard I cling to the side of that hole, the ground crumbles away beneath my hands and drops me in like a bag of rotten fruit. And I sit at the bottom, staring upwards at the tiny circle of light that just seems so far away, and I wonder if I'll ever get out. Sometimes I do, and, as silly as it sounds sometimes, this journal is helping.

Lately, I feel like I'm on a bungee cord, falling into that hole and bouncing back out again. It makes me sick, all these ups and downs. It's been really stressful, to the point where my body's reacting again. I haven't been sleeping normal, my appetite is all screwy, everything I eat irritates my digestive system in some strange manner or another, my skin's a mess with acne and eczema, I've got a major dandruff issue going on... I just haven't been at my peak. I'm hoping I can take this week off of school, hang out with my friends, and relax some of these issues away.