:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Saturday, February 08, 2003 ::

movie night
YAAAAAYYY!!!!! Goin' to see Shanghai Knights with John S and Estelle! Estelle's dropping the baby off at her mother-in-laws and her husband's going over to Big Paul's place. Wheee! Jackie Chan!

O.O;;; slash??

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Which Harry Potter Marauder Are You?

And last time I was Sirius... Guess it's a mood based thing. ^_^;;;

new bloggers
We got AJ to start his own blog. I told Angie, Mandie, and Laura that we should start charging referral fees. ^_^;;; When I find out AJ's blog address, I'll add a link.

snowness
I moved the cars this morning. The plow guys were back and we need to move the cars or they won't do the driveways and parking spots. I have a clear spot now! *_* Yay!

me? i'm not stressing, not one bit!
Mom went to Nana's again today. She was supposed to get her hair done, but Nana called last night to ask if someone could take her to the doctor. Mom thinks Nana was under the impression that Auntie Lyn's sick-at-home time was going to be spent driving her everywhere. Not only that, but she made the appointment at 9 am and didn't ask if that was okay for anyone to take her to it. So, Mom had to change her schedule and get up at 7:30 this morning to go get her and take her over. And Nana wanted to know why Auntie Lyn didn't sound happy to be coming home from the hospital. None of us could tell her, since, according to Nana, Nana does no wrong. O.O;;;

Grandma (my dad's mom) is going in at the end of the month for her hip replacement surgery. The 28th. Part of me can't help but wonder if Aunt Mary's going to have to have some sort of medical issue now to top this one. Either that, or maybe she'll just remind everyone how she's had her hips replaced like three or four times already (which was one of the reasons the doctors recommended against it the first time). {{grumbles}} I just hope I don't turn out to be a lunatic like half my family.

school daze
I got my interview back the other night. I got a 20 out of 20 on it. ^_^ YAY! Also, I got my first math test back. I originally got a 96, but Dr C gave us all our tests back just so we could go over them and figure out what we did wrong. As a result, he gave me a 100 and made me a team leader. Then, he broke us up into teams to go over the test with each other. Geeze, I feel like such a nerd. I'm scaring myself now.

I also have to work on my Career Development Portfolio and my group presentation for CLCD. Mark and I still haven't even picked a topic. We were trying to figure out what we wanted to do. We have to be up there for 15 minutes. I don't even know exactly what she wants. It sounds like she wants us to present a problem you might find in the workplace, in school, or at home, and then offer a possible solution to the problem. How the heck do you turn that into 15 minutes of presentation? O.O;; I'm so totally lost with this. Presentations are not my strong point.

to do list
Plus, I have still have to empty/reload the dishwasher, do my laundry, run the towels through the laundry, vaccuum, and clean my room so I can get the new bed in there. Well, sort of new. Auntie Lyn gave me her old one because she thought the matress was too firm. Now, I'll have a bigger bed, and one that isn't broken. Then, I need to get myself a desk and get Nana a new headboard. She said I could have her old one because it's the kind that has shelves on it. I need shelves. I have no storage space in my room. Just a closet and two dinky drawers on my icky desk. The desk is really too small to do anything more than just writing. I can't use my full size sketch pad on it for drawing, and there's no way it's going to fit my computer monitor. I can't afford a new flat screen one. Plus, I just need more space to put things, like my CDs and stuff.

Then, I can get my little entertainment center where I can put my TV, stereo, and SNES. Eventually, I want a VCR or a DVD player, but I was thinking of possibly upgrading my computer to include a DVD-ROM in the future and just get myself a VCR for the time being. I can probably get a DVD-ROM from someone for real cheap and beg my parents for a VCR. Dad hooked the PS2 up in the living room and then networked it after he bought the network adapter for it. Now, it's really stuck there until I get my computer upstairs. Once I do that, then I can bug Dad to help me run a network cable down to the router in the basement.

[ identity ]
let's get to know each other.


1. your name: Jessica
2. internet name(s): Jessi-Lynne, Duchess, Sailor Gundam, Annie, Molly, Jaylene, Kythlyn, Arda, Kendra (I could keep going...)
3. if you could change your name, what would it be? Um... Probably Kendra or Jaylene. I use those names the most in my fiction-that's-not-fanfiction.
4. would you ever name your son leslie or ashley? No, but maybe Connor or Duncan
5. do you like small animals? depends on the animal
6. would you rather be a sadist or a masochist? I have to pick one?
7. when was the last time you ate a cherry? A few weeks ago, we put them in our drinks
8. besides vital functions, what would you say you're most fixated with doing? Playing on the computer
9. french? French what?
10. do you like her? You mean who...?


[ word association ]
put the first thing that comes to mind when you read each word.


11. crown: royalty
12. can: soup
13. breast: O.O;;; {{blush}}
14. shrubbery: Ni!
15. fern: plant
16. tent: stove (you know, the little portable kind with the gas tank on the side that you use for camping)
17. birth: Mom
18. smurfette: blue-ness
19. hyper: WHEEEEEE!!!!
20. gong: goooong {{makes sounds effects}}


[ person association ]
put the first thing that comes to mind when you read each name.


21. tony: How you doin'?
22. daniel: kishi
23. byron: Shakespeare?
24. quaid: Dennis
25. matt: LeBlanc
26. georgette: Lewis... dunno where that came from
27. beth: this girl I knew in high school
28. ginger: spice
29. jenny: I had a character named Jenny once in a story I wrote
30. phoebe: Friends


[ number please ]
answer the questions with a number.


31. year you were born: 1977
32. year you wish you were born: Um... depends on whether or not I get carded at a bar/club
33. people on your instant messaging buddy list(s): I have to count?
34. windows open right now: 4 (wow, I usually have more)
35. domains you own: 1
36. first three digits of your local phone number: 924 (home), 664 (cell)
37. year you were first introduced to the internet: 1993 (if AOL counts)
38. years spent in high school: 4 according to NY state, 3 according to Longwood SD (9th grade was in the junior high building)
39. pets you currently have: 3
40. nipples you have: O.O;;; I'm not Chandler!!! I only have 2. But... why would you want to know???


[ have you ever ]
every survey needs this line of questions.


41. puked in a public place? no
42. been to another continent? nope, but I'd like to
43. made donuts from scratch? can't
44. sat in the middle of a street? yes
45. laughed at fog? yes, but that was because Mom had to drive with her tires on either side of the line to see where she was going and it was a nervous laugh
46. sucked at something so bad, you loved it? yes
47. caught doing something illegal? by my parents, but never by authorities
48. made a teacher cry? not that I know of, but we came pretty close in my C++ class
49. made a teacher smile? yes
50. lose a friend overnight? um... More like lost a friend in the time it takes to scream at each other over a misunderstanding
51. pondered the reality of infinity? too deep
52. acted upon intuition? yes
53. attempted to make emoticons in real life? LOL... yes, in some letters I wrote to friends in the military
54. hated an inanimate object with a passion? yes
55. acted like a complete idiot in a shopping mall on purpose? yes
56. enjoyed the smell of mcdonalds? yes
57. enjoyed the smell of kfc? yes
58. enjoyed the grease/food they sell at kfc? only certain sandwiches, and they're not as greasy as McDonald's
59. sincerely wished you had a superpower? yes
60. let go? of what?


[ your favorite... ]
another mandatory survey category.


61. cartoons: I have to pick one?
62. movies: see previous answer
63. weblogging service: blogger, but I haven't tried any others, yet
64. cola: Pepsi, probably the wild cherry flavor
65. cat: Prudy, when she's not howling her head off at me
66. numbers: um... dunno
67. letter: letter??? dunno
68. parent: It used to be Dad, but Mom and I get along really well, now... I don't have a favorite anymore.
69. planet: Jupiter
70. nipple: O.O;;; You can have a favorite?
71. language other than english: spanish ('cuz I can speak it a bit), japonese ('cuz I wanna learn it)
72. sweets: um... right now, Golden Grahams. The honey coating makes them sweets in my book.
73. emoticon: The dancing guy on Yahoo! Messenger.
74. city: New York, baby!
75. non-mammal: butterflies
76. item in your wallet/purse: too many... tho' my cell phone's in there
77. place to get coffee: blech... coffee... {{gets sick from smell}}
78. place to read: my bed
79. place to gain altitude: gain?? Um... an elevator?
80. place to ponder life: probably here when I'm on my computer


[ sex ]
that's right. s. e. x. sex.


81. had any lately? no
82. want some right now? depends with who
83. do you like the smell of sex? nope
84. into bondage? not exactly...
85. how about feet? ugh...
86. do you find veggies erotic? depends on how you use them
87. into rimming? what's that?
88. got a favorite sex position? not really, but I don't like to be underneath, I feel trapped
89. what's your opinion on skimpy, pink, fuzzy clothes? O.O;;; fuzzy? pink? ewww....
90. do your parents know you're into scatology? what's that?


[ yaks like your metal foreigners ]
let it be random!


91. does caffeine let your veggie child come out and play? my what?
92. how many times have you indulged of the pleasure ivy? many times? the what?
93. would you like to get to know the ketchup judge a bit better? the who?
94. you've been having trouble with your cocky razor, haven't you? my what?
95. why did you choose the pink one? pink what? If you're talking about that sweater I bought last year, it's because it coordinated with the black skirt with the flowers on it that I bought at the same time
95. how was your date with carrot-top? I dated him? When was that?
96. if i gave you $1000, would you make out with mr. that's-not-supposed-to-go-there? Is he putting that where it's not supposed to go on me? or am I doing something like that to him? and is he hot?
97. my friend's chinchilla lost its favorite fruit hat. where could it possibly be? Your friend's chinchilla has a fruit hat?? What's a fruit hat?
98. do you think your salad will like my blue lipstick? didn't know salads wore lipstick
99. if you could have a love affair with any of the magical fruits in my cabinet, which would it be? Heh heh... kinky cucumber (it has seeds! it's a fruit!)
100. what's the point of it all? I was beginning to wonder that as I was working my way through this survey.

I'm from Ravenclaw!

Hogwart's Sorting Hat Quiz

made by The Genki Gang

jingle tingle, jingle tingle
SNOW!!! *_* We've got about just over a foot in the front yard! It's so pretty! YAY!!!! Also, I went and drove all the way to school and our make up class was apparently cancled due to the snow. I don't mind driving in the snow, I just wish they had a phone number we could call to find out if the school is closed.

make up, but not cosmetics
I just hope we don't still have to make up this class. Because of the way the holidays end up during the semester, it's not unusual for the 8 week courses to have to make up a class to keep up with the needed hours to get credit for a course. That's what last night was supposed to be. We were just going to meet in the library and watch a video (it was for my CLCD class), and then meet with our partners for a little while before heading home. We just had to be there for at least an hour, according to the Dept Head, Dr Gibbons.

sife
Speaking of which, I wanted to find out from him some more information on this SIFE thing he wants to get started. He wants to make a SIFE team for Briarcliffe. Now, I have no idea what SIFE is. It looks like it's some sort of community service, world betterment (is that even a word?) organization. I have experience working with that sort of thing because I'm involved with Rainbow. I'm kind of interested because it also offers some job possibilities. A lot of CEO's from large companies go to the SIFE World Cup (where teams compete with their projects to be the best for the year) to hire new employees and see what the future job market holds. It would definitely be a good networking start for me if I don't find another job by then.

calling all jobs
And I haven't heard anything, yet. I e-mailed a ton of resumes yesterday. I hope at least one of them comes back. I'd rather not have to take such a severe pay cut for this Nature's Bounty thing. I have a few phone calls to make on Monday, anyway. I should call the woman again at Stony Brook to let her know I mailed in my resume and application, and I should call the web design guy and see how his interview process is going. Just to keep in touch and keep my name fresh in his head. It doesn't hurt to push a little.

:: Thursday, February 06, 2003 ::

YOU RAN OVER A SMALL CHILD AND LEFT HIM TO DIE!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
brought to you by Quizilla

I did????? O.O;;;

here a job, there a job
I had my interview at Nature's Bounty (NBTY) today. They're paying $7/hr (ouch), but with benefits for full time employees. However, I have several applications still out there, so I'm going to wait about a week before I call the girl at NBTY back with my decision. There's a second step to the interview that I still have to go through.

tutoring woes
Well, I still haven't gotten a paycheck from the school and I've filled up one sheet for the names already. O.O;;; I'm hoping to get something soon.

Also, I saw Lynda today. She's having trouble retaining the terminology. So, I have to basically teach her studying techniques. I'm meeting her again next Tuesday. The major thing is, I don't think she wants to be a computer person. She just wants a basic receptionist type of job. Nothing fancy or complicated. So, now, if she told Admissions this, why the heck did they put her in a computer terminology course where they're teaching her the innards of a computer? It's not what she needs. She needs a basic occupational certificate in like Office Technology or something, where she learns how to use Microsoft Office. Not some heavy degree where she needs to know about HTML and what an AGP is. O.O;; Oi.

you do the math
Then, I was sitting in math class, already late because Lynda certainly does like to talk about everything except the topic... but I got there before the Professor. In fact, Dr C never showed. O.O;;; We don't know what happened. No one came downstairs and said, "Hey, class is cancelled." We all just sat there for an hour, going over the homework with each other, signed a sheet of paper (which I nicely dropped off at the attendance box for everyone), and we all went home. Well, those of us that didn't have another class...

car troubles
I had to drop Dad off at Nana's today so he could borrow her car. The tranny on the Bronco is going dead. We may have to find another vehicle for Dad. {{sigh}} Depending on how much the tranny work is going to cost, he's either going to fix it or donate it.

time
Or lack thereof, this morning. I almost forgot I had the NBTY interview this morning. I got to Nana's and took a prescription to drop off at Target for her (which she wanted to come so she could go shopping, but I didn't have time because I had to get back home and shower/change/get ready for the interview). The pharmacist then started saying that it was just iron pills and I could buy them over the counter and he was going to do this and that... I thought my head was going to fall off. I told him I'd worry about it later and left. I called Nana later on in the day and told her what happened. {{sigh}}

meditation for me?
I'm beginning to think I should borrow that meditation tape from Brigid. It did help, surprisingly enough. O.O;;;

:: Wednesday, February 05, 2003 ::

hear the gentle sound of water trickling along the stream
At least I'm not one of those people that has to pee when someone starts talking water. We did meditation in class today as a stress relieving technique. It does help, but it just feels so damn corny. And when the voice on the tape started talking about walking through the woods to a waterfall with a running stream, I found myself wondering if anyone was going to have to run to the bathroom. I have to admit, though, I did feel relaxed afterwards.

and this is how you do it
Keisha and Tommy came tonight, as well as James. James usually sees Tina for tutoring and Tommy usually sees Doug. Tina wasn't in today, so James asked if he could join us for the evening, and Tommy wants to have more reinforcement of the problem solving techniques, so he came, too.

bueller? bueller?
I'm at the library. Evelyn's not here. {{sigh}} So, I rushed all the way here for nothing, apparently. I was running late, I hope she didn't leave. So, now I've got time to sit here and do nothing before all the math people show up. I think more of them are going to be here today. I'm not sure, though. I know Keisha will be. Unless they're all absent... O.O;;;

new links
Added a link to SpaceWander.com. It's a really cool site with all sorts of neat pictures from outerspace. Check it out!

Also added BeeResponsible.com, a site where you can learn about Anheuser-Busch and their programs to promote responsible drinking and prevent alchohol abuse. As someone who's had alcholism in the family, I support their efforts.

Added RW Alpha, a really cool and complete Ronin Warriors site. ^_^

Also added a new blog... John. He's mainly Angie's friend from back home, but I've been talking to him online occasionally, so I added him to my list. ^_^ He's the one with the Pokemon theme song on his blog.

it's gone! all gone!
O.O;;; {{beats Blogger with a huge stick}} It lost this really long post I had yesterday. {{sobbing}} Actually, I think it was Cablevision's fault... not Blogger. My Internet connection's been acting weird lately.

medical update
My aunt's home from the hospital. Nana was upset that Auntie Lyn didn't sound happy that she was coming home. Well, considering "home" is the source of all her stress and the reason she had eight bleeding ulcers, I don't blame her! People think I'm horrible because I complain about my grandmother. If they knew her real side, they'd complain, too. She's my grandmother, yes, and I love her, but, HOLY COW can she be frustrating! And of course, she's going to overreact about Auntie Lyn being in the hospital, which is only going to stress my aunt out more. {{sigh}} And people wonder why I'm so damn uptight all the time. It's because my family's a mess!

On the other side (my dad's side), my grandmother has to have surgery on her back and hip. I wonder how Aunt Mary's going to react to this one. My dad is the oldest of six, three boys and three girls. Mary's the middle girl and has the typical "Middle Child Syndrome" of constantly having to be the center of attention. As soon as Karen (oldest girl) had her second child, Mary was pregnant with her third, even though the doctor told her not to have anymore because of her hip toubles. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of the medical problems with Mary and her family are just 'designer'. My cousin has anxiety attacks, so they put her on medication. Um... Hello? I have them, too. I can't afford medication, so I have to do everything the hard way. When Karen suggested on X-mas Eve that Megan might not actually need the medication, Mary freaked out and didn't talk to Karen until it was almost time to leave.

quit playing games
{{sigh}} I'm so tired of the fighting and the games. I really am. Nana's sister Anne is just like Mary. She instigates. She's always passing information back and forth to start fights, it seems. Maybe she thinks she's doing the right thing, or maybe she wants to be the savior and solve the problem she started, but it always makes things worse, and everyone ends up hating each other. Anne passed information about Jeannie's death from Peggy (Peggy's personal feelings, I might add) to Alline that she shouldn't have, and now Alline isn't talking to Peggy. O.O;;

My family is rather close, so I hear about, see, and somehow end up in the middle of all of this. I'm also the 'rock' of the family, so to speak. My mother, father, and I are the strong ones. We hold everyone else up. So, what happens? We get dumped on all the time. With no outlets of our own, we get stressed out. I'm not surprised my mother has all the problems she has. She gets ulcers a lot, too. She has diabetes and has trouble maintaining her numbers. She has hypertension and high blood pressure. My dad's losing his hair and has high blood pressure, too. I break out (eczema, acne, hives, dandruff), lose sleep, get sick, have stomach trouble, and go into a depression. Not to mention that almost every muscle in my body tightens up to the point where a massage actually hurts. Mom pulled a muscle in her neck once just by turning her head. I mean, if you're that tight, there's issues!

money plays a part
Sometimes I think we should head back to therapy for a while, even just to learn some stress relieving techniques. But, with Dad down to four days a week and me not working, we can't afford it. I have no health insurance, I have no money to buy individual health insurance, and I'm too old to be on my parents' plans anymore, so I'm not covered. I don't even know if their plans cover mental health professionals. So, we make do. We vent to each other, Dad plays Delta Force, I blog and do coding, Mom reads. It's the only thing we can do, right now.

:: Tuesday, February 04, 2003 ::

**Ten Things I miss...**
1. Dance Class
2. Being Active in Rainbow
3. Money
4. My Grandfather
5. My Other Grandfather
6. Just Hanging Out with Friends
7. Money
8. Lack of Stress
9. Love Life
10. Money

Nine Things I hate...
1. Not Having a Job
2. Not Having Money
3. Not Being Able to Work on My Website
4. Stress
5. Not Enough Time
6. Not Having Money
7. Stress
8. Bills
9. When I'm Depressed

Eight Things I love...
1. Dancing
2. Music
3. My Cat
4. My Online Support Group (you know who you are)
5. My Parents
6. Working on My Webpage
7. Going to School and Doing Well
8. My Friends

Seven things I remember the most...
1. Movie Quotes
2. Song Lyrics
3. How to Do Math
4. HTML
5. Hanging w/ Friends
6. Visual Basic
7. Having Fun in Rainbow

Six things I want to do eventually...
1. Finish School
2. Find a Boyfriend Who Won't Turn Out Lame
3. Start My Own Web Company
4. Get a Job
5. Learn Some Form of Martial Arts
6. Go Back to Dance Class

Five songs I can hear over and over and over and over....You get the point...
1. "Kryptonite" - 3 Doors Down
2. Any Song off "Metropolis, Part 2: Scenes from a Memory" by Dream Theatre
3. Any Enya Song
4. "How You Remind Me" - Nickelback
5. Any Loreena McKennit Song

Four Words that describe me...
1. Extroverted Introvert (I know that's two, but it needs to be a phrase)
2. Nice
3. Funny
4. Intelligent
(last three were from class earlier... we were doing affirmations)

Three things I want to change...
1. My Life
2. My Family's Lives
3. My Financial Situation

Two people I want to disappear
1. Umm...
2. Dunno...
O.O;;;

One thing I want...
1. To Reach My Goals

:: Monday, February 03, 2003 ::

come back tomorrow
I went over to Nature's Bounty. Apparently, they're not doing direct interviews anymore. You have to fill out an application and make an appointment, then you come back again for an interview. So, needless to say, I didn't have an interview today. I'm scheduled to go back again for that on Thursday. I filled out the application and then turned in a copy of my resume, too.

time to teach
Well, I'm off now to eat dinner and then tutor. I'm turning in my interview tonight in class, too. {{sigh}} So much going on.

You think Tomatoes want your body.


Which Sexy Vegetable Do You Have Your Eyes On?
brought to you by Quizilla

pokemon!
I have that theme stuck in my head now... The blog I found this quiz on had it playing. O.O;;;

make the call
I keep forgetting to call about my student loan. I know I have credit. I just have to convince them of that. {{sigh}} I was hoping to have that money by now. I still have to pay the phone bill and my car insurance. The phone bill is okay, but, if I don't pay my car insurance, they'll cancel my policy. O.O;;

make another call
I got another call this morning for tutoring. Another math student that apparently only has Thursdays and Fridays available. {{sigh}} I don't know about the Fridays, it depends on whether or not I get this Nature's Bounty job. That's really my best prospect right now because of that 8-4 shift. If I get that shift, Then the 5 o'clock tutoring sessions are perfect. I can tutor this guy from 5-6 on Fridays and still make it to Rainbow meetings. I'd just have to bring dinner with me. ^^;;;

interviews galore
I'm planning on going to Nature's Bounty this afternoon. I also have a few places to call or submit my resume to. Hopefully, they'll all have early shifts I can work. It'll seriously help.

I also have to finish typing that interview with Professor Spratt so I can hand it in tonight. {{crosses fingers}} I hope I did okay. lol

inner color
{{giggles}} Trevor got pink. ^_^

sloooowwww dooowwwnnnn
Dang the internet is slow today. It's rather frustrating, to be honest. {{sigh}}

and your homework is...
I'm almost done with the typing. It's harder than I thought because the microphone sensitivity was down on the tape recorder. O.O;;; I've been struggling to hear the interview the whole time, so I'm taking a break right now.

you need tutoring for what?
I set up my first meeting with Linda, the woman who wants tutoring for Intro to Computers. We're meeting for about an hour before my Math class. I have to remember to pick up my folder again. ^^;;; Hopefully, the Student Services office door will be open this time and I can get to the mailbox. I'm meeting her in the library (which I had to give her directions for and I'm going to wait outside for her so she doesn't get lost). That was the longest phone call I ever had. I'm going to have to keep her attention on the material. She seems to have a tendancy to like to talk about everything but the reason why you originally were talking.