:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Saturday, January 18, 2003 ::

Well, I'm not going to the study group today. We decided we'd meet on Monday. I watched Minority Report with my dad, though. It was interesting. It's more of a story about how we can control our destinies and make our own choices than a story about some super crime fighting organization gone sour. It had some gag moments in it, too, which I usually like to see to keep a movie from becoming too emotionally overwhelming. Plus, it had a nice ending. A happy one, yes, but it made you feel good inside after all the trouble everyone went through.

And I think Mom is planning on attending the Installation tomorrow. I told my friend John that I'd call him to hang out tomorrow, but that was before I knew about the Installation. I'll make my decision on that later.

I think the meeting today went well. The idea sounds pretty well thought out, and, even if the new company tanks, I'll still have the experience. Plus, I'm not investing any money, only time and effort. I won't really be losing anything, and I'll gain some insight on how large database style websites work.

Here's the plan:

Along with several other people, this man wants to provide the Internet community with a comprehensive, fast, easy-to-use portal for online medical information. Right now, all that's out there are large sites like WebMD or medical school websites. What he plans on doing is researching these sites, checking to see if the sources are credible, and then adding them to a database of other websites where people can go to look for it. It cuts down on traveling from site to site looking for the information. You can hit all medical information sites from one place.

He's currently at the last stage of set up for the company. He's got most of his administrative type people (HR, Accounting, etc) and a pretty good number of technical type people (graphic designer, web manager, R&D, etc). The programmers for the website itself are the last group of people he needs to get involved. As a start up company, he doesn't have the outlay of capitol to pay us a salary outright. However, we're being offered shares of ownership in the company so that, when it starts making money, so do we.

If I had been settled into another job, I probably wouldn't have gone for this, but the timing seems right. It's a loose schedule, but he does have certain deadlines set up. We'd all be working through e-mail, regular mail, phone calls, and faxes right now. Eventually, when he has enough profit, he's going to invest in a small office where we'd be able to centralize our meetings at a common location. This really sounds like it might be fun, and it leaves me time to concentrate on my studies in school while still going out and getting another job to pay the bills for the time being. (Speaking of which, I have to get to Financial Aid and step up my job search again.)

He plans on continuing the interview process until sometime in March. Everything else is already in motion, he just needs the programmers for the site. I think this might work out.

As for tomorrow's Installation in Pearl River, the Worthy Advisor-elect was at Bellmore's last night and asked me to come up. I guess I'm going. It depends on how Mom feels. I'd rather not take the 2 1/2 hour trip alone. I told her we'd see if we could go. If it doesn't snow too bad tomorrow (which they said it might), we probably will.

It snowed again yesterday, too. We've got about half an inch right now. And it's freezing out, so it's not really melting. I'm kind of glad. I knew it was going to be a cold winter by the way the cats were acting and by how weird the weather had been a few months back. The cats got really fat this year. They put on weight and their fur thickens up this time of year to keep them warm. Prudy's fur is usually really fine, but her fur thickened a lot. That and she doesn't seem to want to get off my bed. The only place I can sit in the house without her sitting on me is down here in the basement where I have the computer. I think it's too cold for her.

Not that I blame her... it's pretty damn cold.

Anyway, the state choir director asked me if I would help her out at Grand Assembly again last night at the Installation. I wasn't sure if I was even going to go to Grand Assembly this year. Lord knows I need the money for other things, and, with my dad being down to four days a week, I feel bad asking them for help. Man, this sucks.

And speaking of money, I should stop by the tutoring office at the school and see if they have my schedule in tact. I need to tell them the new times I'm available to tutor people. Hopefully, I'll actually get a call for that this year. I'd like to make some money off that application I filled out. I'll do that Tuesday, since I'll be in that building to get the Financial Aid forms.

No school on Monday! Which means I have until Wednesday to do the homework for that class. Of course, I have to figure out who to interview for the interview project. I had a crazy brainstorm last night, but didn't have the courage to ask today. I was going to ask the guy I met about the job. Maybe if things go well in that department I'll be able to ask him. I just have to give myself enough time to come up with good questions and then type up the finished interview.

Ickle Trevor-kins still needs to get comments on his blog... blah! :-P Yes, I'm bored. Couldn't you tell? The Installation went well. I made it through my part without losing my voice. Didn't sing, tho'. Thank God. I think I would have set the neighborhood dogs howling with how my voice sounds right now. At least, it sounds bad and abnormal to me. ^_^;;;

Oh... and I'll add that last group of quizzes to the navcolumn when I get home tomorrow, if I have time before the study session.

:: Friday, January 17, 2003 ::

You are a Spring Fairy
What kind of fairy are you?
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What Is Your True Aura Colour?
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What Element Are You?
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Which male HP character are you most compatible with?
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What's YOUR Writing Style?
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Where Did Your Soul Originate?
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Well, it seems my voice isn't getting any better. I've lowered my goal from having a voice that sounds normal to having a voice at all for tonight. I didn't have time to stop by Financial Aid on the way home. I'll have to do it soon, though. I'll be too busy tomorrow between the job meeting, my homework, and the study session. I'm definitely *not* going to Pearl River's Installation on Sunday. I need at least one day to myself after all of this. Especially if I want to get over this cold.

On a good note, we did get some snow last night to show for all this cold weather we've been having. Unfortunately, the sun came out and the temperature went up just enough to start melting it.

Oh well.

As for updates, I finished my eMode section, added some adoptees and a cliques section, as well as updating the template for my comments. The colors coordinate even more now instead of that really white window it used to be. I also changed around the fonts and wording to make it all fit in a nice little theme. Man, I'm anal. ^_^;;;

Where do YOU belong?

Well, I got my book today. $110.50. For one math book! I nearly died. So did my parents when I told them how much I wrote their check out for. I'm going to stop by Financial Aid tomorrow on my way back from my grandmother's to fill out loan papers and ask for some extra cash. I need it to pay them back and for future books. And... Well, in case this job thing doesn't work out... I'll tack on a little to help cover car and phone expenses for this month. I hope I get the money soon enough. O.O;;

Well, I can't be up much later. I have to get up early tomorrow and take my grandmother to the MRI person. Plus, I need to read up on Installing Chaplain still. Something about that prayer, it just doesn't stick in my head. Maybe because we don't hear it all the time. {{shrugs}} Either way, on top of those, and the meeting on Saturday and the tons of homework I have all of a sudden... and one of the guys in my class asked me to do a study group with him. Apparently, I'm one of the few that understands the math class.

Well... No wonder I'm still sick. I just hope I don't get mono again. That was miserable. {{sigh}}

:: Thursday, January 16, 2003 ::

which marauder are you?
quiz made by robyn and angie.

:: Wednesday, January 15, 2003 ::

We had to watch a video in class today. One of those self-help, empowerment things. I know, I know, I'm probably going to hear it from a bunch of people how this will probably help me. We'll see. Half those self-discovery tests don't work anyway. They always give you some weird answer that doesn't fit you right. But, the class is required, so, we'll see what happens, right? I just wish I didn't have so much homework to do.

And the book thing didn't work out. The store on my campus only had one of the books I needed. They were waiting on a shipment from the other campus on my math book. Luckily, I was able to get the book I needed for tonight. It was $29, so I used my debit card instead of the check Mom gave me. I had enough in the account to cover it. The math book is going to end up being around $110. I nearly died when she told me that. I'll have to use the check for that one.

Well, I have to get my books today. Hopefully, Dad and Mom will be able to lend me the money. I'm gonna ask Dad tonight since Mom's still sick and taking a nap right now. I don't want to wake her up. I took some medicine, but it made me nauseous. Go figure. I just hope I'm in good shape for class and for the Installation on Friday. My voice sounds terrible right now and I don't know if I'm going to be able to say my part. And I don't want to be sick for the meeting with that guy on Saturday. That would look great, walking in there coughing my head off. {{crosses fingers for luck}}

Added an eMode section that I'll be finishing later, as well as some new adoptees in the 'randomness' section. I also added a new quiz site, Select Smart.

I had math earlier. The teacher seems like a really cool guy, so it shouldn't get too boring. None of the stuff we're doing in there is new, so I unfortunately find the material rather boring. >_<;; But, I'm hoping the class will remain as lively throughout the semester as it was tonight.

I watched 24 again after I got home. I read up on the website about it and wasn't too lost during the show. Next week's episode looks really twisted and I hope I'm home in time to see it.

I have to read up on Installing Chaplain for Friday's Installation at Bellmore. I hope it isn't too long because I want to be rested up before my meeting the next morning with the guy about the web job. I really hope that goes well. I'm going to start looking into other types of jobs now, I think. While I'm not a great administrative assistant (learned that from Arrow), I could probably be good as a sales manager or something. I'm not good with commission based sales... but... We'll see. {{crosses fingers}}

Now, to buy books tomorrow during the day and get the homework done. I'm going to have a lot of homework this first half of the semester. O.O;;;

:: Tuesday, January 14, 2003 ::

Take this Quiz

Take the Dessert Quiz

School started today. I had "College Learning & Cognitive Development". One of those seminar type courses that's supposed to help you take tests and learn how to study. I was never bad at taking tests. In fact, I did better with those than I did with writing and research assignments. They're supposed to help you with those, too. But, this professor wants to take the course one step further. She wants to teach us how to write resumes, cover letters, and go on job interviews. She wants us to address problems we might face in the workplace and how to solve them or work with them. There's a lot of homework {{sob}}, but I think I can get through it. This might not be as bad as the "Freshman Seminar" I had to take at my other school. Briarcliffe overall seems much more workforce/career track oriented than Suffolk was. I like it a lot more.

I'm going to have to borrow money from my parents so I can buy books. I also have to get my butt down to the Financial Aid office soon and fill out all that loan paperwork. Ick. I think I'll ask for extra money this time around to cover books. Then I can pay my parents back when I get the refund. I hate borrowing money from them. I feel so scrubby and dependant. I really need to find a job.

It's not like I haven't been looking either. I've sent my resume to a million places. I have to talk to my former "Principles of Business" professor again. He had given me a phone number of someone to get in touch with a while back before I got the Arrow Security gig. I had called him, but he never called back. Now that I'm on the job prowl again, I need to see if I can get in touch with him again. I had really through the Arrow thing was going to be long term, and I dumped a whole bunch of job search stuff that I really regret getting rid of right now... ^_^;;;

But, on a good note in the job hunt, I got a call from a start up company looking for a web developer. Because they're so new, they're offering their starting employees part ownership in the company in lieu of pay. They're also not looking for full timers, but people who have other things going on in their lives and want to do something on the side. While it's a bit unconventional, I think this would be good for my work experience. In the meantime, I can go and get some dinky part time job to pay the bills and watch this other one unfold. I agreed to meet with the guy this Saturday for an early lunch to discuss the position and the interview process in more detail. It's not something I ever thought I'd do, since I'm leary about that whole 'ownership instead of pay' thing, but, since I'm only investing time and effort and not the money I don't have, I've really got nothing to lose and I can use the website as part of my future webfolio if I end up not getting a full position with the company.

Then again, things aren't looking good on the job front for my dad either. The company he works for, Energy Efficiency Systems (EES), is starting to go a bit belly up. They've cut back on tons of people so now they're down to bare bones as far as employees. And, on top of that, all the employees were asked to take a cut in hours. Dad only goes in four days a week now instead of the usual Monday through Friday. He's home on Monday's. He had something going with Con Edison as far as a possible position, but I don't know if he ever followed through. He's hoping to ride this out because EES just got a big deal with Honeywell, and it might turn the company around. We'll see. I still don't think he should hold on to EES much longer. The people there take advantage of his hard work ethic a lot and dump tons of stuff on him all the time. Dad's not majorly assertive, either, so getting him to go in and ask for a raise is like pulling teeth. Not that the company can afford to give him one. Frankly, I think my dad's severely underappreciated and underpaid, and I'm not just puffing out my chest because he's my dad. He's extremely intelligent and has tons of experience. I think he deserves a lot more respect than they give him and a lot less of the abuse.

I watched The Kid today with my dad, since he was home. That's a really cute movie. It's the story about a man who's coming up on his 40th birthday and, somehow, his almost-8-year-old self ends up getting transported through time to help the older version remember something important in his life. It stars Bruce Willis as the lonely and successfully unhappy (but not a loser!) middle aged guy. He's cut-throat about his success as an image consultant, helping people who are budding stars present a certain image to the world. The younger version of him shows up a few days before his 40th birthday (a few days shy of his 8th birthday... lol), and they spend time trying to figure out why the kid is there and how to get him back to his own time. It's a very cute movie, very different for Bruce Willis. I think Willis is an excellent actor who works well in more than just action movies, and he really seems at home on the screen with kids. I've seen him in a few movies where he works with a child (Sixth Sense, Unbreakable), and he really seems to bring out the best in the kid playing opposite him. I definitely recommend this one for a good show.

I was watching "Crossing Jordan" again after I got back from class. That is one complex show. It's not one of my favorites that I go out of my way to watch it all the time, but, when it's on, I can't turn it off. Luckily, most of the episodes are self-enclosed stories, so you don't have to have seen it from the beginning. There is a background plot that's been running for a few seasons now about Jordan's mother, but they do a lot of explaining if they do an episode based solely on that plot, so you don't have a lot of catching up to do. Occasionally, they elude to it throughout the show, but that's because it's a part of the Jordan character. However, you don't have to watch it every single week to catch on.

The show "24", however, is very important not to miss too many episodes in a row. And it really helps if you've seen the first season. It's basically a 'mini-season' show, only running 24 episodes per season. But this is because each hour long episode is actually an hour out of the day. They cover a 24 hour period through the episodes, filmed in "real time". I've found it to be a very good show. I try to watch it as much as possible, but I've missed a few here and there due to school or other things going on. Luckily, the 24 website carries an episode synopsis so you can get a summary of what happens during each hour in case you miss one.

Now, I really need to get sleep tonight. I was up late last night talking to Danny... {{points to 'blogness' section}} I didn't get much sleep, and I ended up having to take a nap earlier. My friend Estelle wants me to come over for a few hours before class tomorrow (I have "Technical Math"), so I won't have much nap time between that and the house cleaning I have to do. I need my sleep tonight...

:: Sunday, January 12, 2003 ::

A few more movies over the last few days. Since I've been sick, I haven't felt much like going out. We watched Men in Black, II, Enemy at the Gates, and Royal Tennenbaums. I think I spelled that right.

Anyway, I wasn't overly impressed with Men in Black, II. It's almost as if they ran out of good ideas after the first one. It wasn't a terrible movie, but the plot was a little lame. There were some very funny scenes, such as the flushing or Frank the dog singing in the car. "Who let the dogs out?" "Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!" I like Frank and the Worms. The Twister scene with the Worms was hysterical.

I didn't see all of Royal Tennenbaums, but what I did see of it was very strange. The storyline was very dark and morbid. It's about a man coming to terms with who people perceive him to be. Gene Hackman plays Royal, the patriarch of the family and the lead character. His kids are played by Ben Stiller, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Luke Wilson. Luke Wilson's character is adopted into the family, and he finds himself dealing with the fact that he's in love with his 'sister', Gwyneth's character. Owen Wilson is also in the movie. He plays a family friend, who is a writer with a drug problem. Angelica Houston plays Royal's estranged wife who wants a divorce so she can marry her lover, played by Danny Glover. There's some moments that are very funny, but it's very dark humor. I'd really like to see the whole movie.

Enemy at the Gates was a very good movie. I'm not a big fan of war movies, but this was a different angle of WWII. A lot of war films involve the US military somehow. This was about the fight between the Germans and the Russians over Stalingrad. The background plot was very fast, to keep up with the constantly shifting front line. The main story was a huge contrast in how slow it was. It was a painstaking duel, taken a step at a time, between two snipers. The Russian sniper, Vissilli (Jude Law), starts off as an infantryman. He's excellent with a rifle and is discovered by a Russian Political Officer who's looking for ways to boost morale in the Russian army. He begins printing pamphlets about Vissilli's wonderful feats as a soldier. Vissilli gets promoted to sniper division and word reaches the German army. They send in their best sniper, a Major played by Ed Harris, to hunt down Vissilli and demoralize the Russian army by killing him. I thought it was an excellent movie. It's also based on a true piece of history.

Added another friend's blog, too. YAY, Steph!

{{sniffles and coughs}} Now... to go take some NyQuil or something for this cold of mine.

Why do people feel the need to flame? The purpose of this blog is to vent, but there are ways of doing it that don't involve resorting to such low level language as cursing. We all have complaints and this is where I get mine out. Is it so wrong? I love my family. They just make me a little crazy sometimes. Everyone's family makes people crazy. I'm not ungrateful to have known as many people in my family as I have known. I feel very lucky. I've met all four of my grandparents. My mother's father died when I was 15 and my father's father died two years ago this coming Easter. I've met two of my great grandparents. One died when I was very young, but I have the great priveledge of remembering who she was. The other died a year after my mother's father.

I don't think I'm all that unlucky. I may sound whiny, but I need a place to express my feelings and get out my frustrations. Hence the title, Venting Insanity. I have trouble letting things out in person. I've always known that. I find it much easier to express my feelings through writing than anything else. And if anyone has a problem with my personal feelings and opinions, then that's your opinion. I respect others' rights to get out their troubles and I listen. And I don't expect a pat on the back or an 'Oh poor baby' because I never got one. And I don't give them either. I don't think their necessary. I'm not whining. If I was whining, I'd do it a far more gratifying way than typing it out on a webpage. I'd whine in a way that I'd knew I'd get attention for it, direct attention, not someone typing back comments on some little JavaScript run web browser.

There's a lot of people out there who are less grateful and whinier than me. Don't flame me for my personal feelings.

Besides, if you want to say something, have the guts to use your name instead of leaving it "Anonymous". If you think I'm a horrible person, I made those e-mail addresses links. Let's discuss this like rational people instead of you shouting curses at me with no way for me to defend how I feel.

I know there are people worse off and less fortunate than me, but I've been in better situations than I'm in right now. I'm frustrated, upset, and in need to get it out somehow. I shouldn't have to explain this to anyone. I feel how I feel. I can't help that. I don't blame people for how they feel. No one can help how they feel.

What Angel Sanctuary Character are you?

Well, lunch wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My throat is still a mess, but I'm not as stuffy and my grandmother didn't find fault with anything, so all is good. She's a nut for cards, so Mom and I picked up some cards. Nana seems to think that a lot of cards means she's loved. Personally, I'm not a big card fan. Birthdays, anniversaries, maybe x-mas... I mean, most of the time, you're getting the person a present anyway, the card's just redundant, right? Plus I hate reading all those really mushy, wishy-washy, lovey-dovey ones. The just make me sick sometimes. Not to mention I never know which ones you can throw out and I end up with a stack of cards I don't know what to do with years after I got them.

But I hate getting cards for every single stupid holiday. I don't need a St Patrick's Day card. I don't need a Halloween card. I don't need a Thanksgiving card. They take up space in my house (since you have to display it for a while or my grandmother gets upset) and then what? Just throw it out? ARGH! I'm sick of cards. I really am. And lately Nana's been getting me these wishy-washy things that are all loving and praising and I just can't stand reading them.

Anyway, back to lunch. We had a pretty good lunch and I didn't have to have seafood. They had other stuff on the menu, tho' I did have a good appetizer of clams casino. I do like clams and it just sounded right when I saw it. At least the whole day wasn't a bust. I just hate it when I'm talking and someone changes the subject in the middle of one of my sentences. It makes me feel so ignored. It's been happening a lot lately, and I'm really getting pissed about it. Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever notice if I'm not there. And I'm not talking about people I e-mail and stuff. I mean in life. Lately, in a group, I feel like I'm just there to take up space. No one wants to listen to what I have to say. Or they don't care. Either way, people suddenly get these other ideas in their head and fell the need to spill it while I'm still talking. I just don't understand it.