:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Thursday, November 06, 2003 ::

introspections
Things are so busy, I haven't been really working on things here. I feel I've neglected it a bit. There's all sorts of things going on that I haven't written about. There's news I haven't commented on. Not to mention I haven't really been reading other blogs.

I guess it's because we've all seemed to have hit some sort of seasonal slump. Fall and bad weather can do that to you.

Honestly, I've been finding things extremely depressing lately. It seems that, every time I talk to someone, they either have bad news, or they've been reflecting on things that make them depressed.

For instance:

Brian called me the other day. He's my Army buddy in Texas that this current layout is dedicated to. He's getting divorced. He and Sammy have been having a few issues lately, but they haven't even been married a year. He told me last week he was going to get an annulment. With everything he's told me about her recently with the way she's acting, I hope it hasn't been too long for him to do that. I have a feeling she'll screw him over big time in a divorce case.

Example number two:

General Internet mood... reflective, yet forward thinking. Where am I going in life? What is my purpose here? Why should I bother? What have I learned? What should I do with myself?

Good questions, but with no concrete answers. There's no one else who can answer them for you. You have to search for those yourself.

Maybe I'm sounding a bit selfish. It's definitely not my intention so sound that way. Perhaps the reflective and philosophical mood of the moment has rubbed off on me as well, causing me to think a bit more. After all, that was one of the purposes behind making this blog... to help me organize my thoughts a bit more without the delay of waiting for me to write it out. Yes, I type a lot faster than I write.

I guess it's part of the natural cycle of things. My internet time and interest waxes and wanes just like everyone else's I suppose. My focus shifts, the general mood of life changes... The other day was another one of my numb days, where I just don't think of anything. Last week, my mind was rotating in a million different places at once and I just couldn't focus. It was like my head was a TV and someone kept changing the channel on me.

Like a lot of people lately, I really don't know what to think. I feel like there's missing facts somewhere, like there's a big sign out there I'm not seeing that holds all the answers. I need to clear the fog, but the sun just doesn't seem to want to burn it away.

My life is changing. It's doing so slowly, but it's definitely changing. I can feel it moving in a new direction now, but I can't see the path. I just wish I had some guidance to figure out where to go.