:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Monday, April 14, 2003 ::

yay
And, if I have to hear it one more time about my sleeping habits, I'm going to freak. I love my mother, but she does she have to constantly remind me that my sleeping habits suck lately?

Apparently so.

I'm also apparently going to be in big trouble or something if she comes down for work in the morning and finds me still awake. If I can't sleep, I can't sleep. What's so hard to understand about that?

And, yes, I'm 25. Apparently, that still falls under the "maximum age to be in big trouble" in this house. Don't they realize that a 25-year-old doesn't care about being in big trouble with their parents anymore? Maybe when I was younger, but not now. Besides, I already know I'm never getting kicked out. My parents aren't like that, thank God.

It's just that one thing goes wrong on one day, and they criticize me and everything about me for a week or more. Not to mention the fact that half of our overall conversations (when everything's all hunkey dorey) always manage to twist somehow into a topic where they dwell on one of my many shortcomings.

And people wonder why I don't like myself very much. I already know my shortcomings, thank you. I don't need to be constantly reminded of them. I'll just hold them close to my heart like I always do and hide in my room or the basement for a while.

{{puts on the bungee cord again and hopes it doesn't break on this fall into the hole}}

This is why I'm a roleplaying freak. It gives me an escape from the reality that (85% of the time) sucks around here. I can pretend to be someone who doesn't have a big nose, bad skin, dandruff, oily hair that doesn't cooperate, and who can actually fit into her entire wardrobe. I can pretend to be something other than the jobless, boyfriend-less, college computer geek that I am. The under/overqualified limbo walker that can't find anyone who doesn't think I'll bolt at the first sign of a higher paycheck (which I would anyway), who doesn't think I'm shortselling myself for a job, or who doesn't think I have the experience/knowledge/know how/etc to handle the other job.

I'm really thinking about just dumping my résumé in the trash. It undersells me for some things, over sells me for others, makes me look like a total inbetweener that no one wants to deal with. Yes, I can program in Visual Basic, but that doesn't mean I won't take the receptionist job that pays $10/hr with full benefits. Yes, I can program in Visual Basic, but, sorry, I haven't graduated with my 4 year degree, yet. That's a work in progress. No, I don't have any major professional experience over a year in my field. Yes, I worked in my field for a year at a job that paid me approx $28,000 a year ($13.50/hr). Yes, I understand this customer service position only pays $8/hr. Yes, it does take me 45 minutes to get here. No, I need to be on the first shift because I'm finishing my degree at night.

Sleep? What's that?

I haven't heard diddly from those job interviews I went on at the end of last month. Nice big blow to my already rockbottom self-esteem. {{waves a Monty Python flag}} Yayyy...

I just recently sent out two more résumés to two more job openings. Maybe I'll actually hear something back on them.

Mom said I should go apply to Splish Splash again this summer. I thought about it, but they didn't call me back last summer. Why would they this summer? Nothing's changed, except I've been out of work for another whole year. Yeah, that looks really good. And there's no health benefits. So I'm still wandering around without health insurance hoping I don't get deathly ill or something.

Okay... pissy to okay to downright depressed. I'm a big one today!

Hopefully, I'm just PMS-ing, and this will all end in a week.

Hopefully.