:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Saturday, March 29, 2003 ::

weeee!!!
I hope I'm going to ICON today. Things don't sound very promising. Johnny has to work, John S isn't sure if he'll have a way to get there, Michelle and Jim can't go, Estelle would like to have Johnny's mom watch the baby, but isn't sure if she can, and I feel like I got the big shrug off from Scott, Phyllis, and Vinny.

Eh... maybe I'm overreacting. They were kinda busy when I called last night to try to work out a place to meet. The thing is, I would have liked to have gone as a group. It would have been cool. Plus, what's the point of all of us going if we're not going to hang together, right? I'm just a little perturbed at the way they told me, "We'll be around." I'm probably reading more into it than there is.

{{slaps ugly paranoia demon}} Stop that! I've gotta stop overreacting.

Of course, I still feel like crap about it. I can sit here and justify it all I want, but it never helps. And I'm not going to go by myself if none of the others can go just on the off chance that I might meet up with Scott and them. It's no fun to go by yourself. I know Dad wanted to go last time, we just go there too late in the day to really do anything. I'll ask him if he'll go again today. I really want to go, just not alone.

Besides, it's rare to find cool eye candy at a Sci Fi convention... ^^;; Maybe that explains my predicament in the dating world...

Must not touch this with a ten foot pole... I don't want to get too depressed in case I get more bad news this morning about people going.

meeting
We had our Grand Assembly meeting for Rainbow last night. Aly and I came up with a cool idea for a poster. Now we just have to find time to make it before we go up. Since I absolutely have to do my taxes tomorrow so I can get my FAFSA in to the school on time, tomorrow's pretty much shot for hanging out. I also have a project that's due next Thursday that I need to finish and hand in on Wednesday. Since I'll be up at Grand Assembly on Thursday, I can't exactly hand the project in, right? ^^;;; Yeah... That's what I thought.

feelings
You know... maybe I was oversensitive to Scott's response on the phone last night because I was pretty much feeling the same way at the meeting. There's just certain things that I'm not 'feeling the love' from lately, so to speak. I really thought about it last night after I got home. The only reasons I'm going to Grand Assembly this year are because Lisa B asked me to help out with choir and I wanted to be available to take Aly up. Plus, I found out last meeting (not last night, the one before) that Aly got Grand Rep to MA and AK (is that Arkansas or Alaska? I don't remember... but she's rep to Arkansas). I really want to see her get Installed on Saturday night.

I wasn't asked to do anything else but the choir this year. No flag tribute (which I've been missing out on because I have to walk in with the choir all the time), and no Grand Cross this year. I know they like to rotate and stuff, but I also feel like I was skipped over when they asked people last year to help with the Ritual Committee. I've always wanted to be on Ritual Committee for Grand Assembly. A lot of people get tired of the Ritual and stuff, and they all think it's dumb and too serious... That's one of the big things I really liked when I first joined. I love doing it. I really think it's important, and it's what makes Masonic organizations unique from others. Our meetings aren't just meetings where everyone gets together to chat and work out business. We have formal openings and ceremonies that we do, and that really sets all of us apart from other groups.

back on track
I guess I'm just venting because I feel a bit left out and unwanted again. It just seems I've been getting that a lot from people lately. Not everyone. I'm just sick and tired of feeling like people I think are friends don't want me around.