:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Saturday, March 29, 2003 ::

jerry springer
Estelle sent me an adlib for the Jerry Springer show. I found it rather amusing and, after filling in the blanks for the female link, this is what came up. ^_^ Consider yourselves warned, it ended up with unintentional homosexual indictations (it's yuri, for those anime fans out there who want to know which way it went, and everyone else will see what that means when they read it). While it makes it all that much funnier, I feel I have to put a warning in case people aren't into that kind of stuff. Then again, it's Jerry Springer. It works. ^_^;;

Also, spelling and grammar errors are not mine... I copied this right from the webpage (just added HTML formatting tags to make it a bit easier to read)...

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Jessica is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of hers Estelle. So everyone please put your hands together for Jessica!
Jerry: Okay, now Jessica you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: John.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well John, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Jessica, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Michelle!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a sword. Michelle reaches for the couch. Out of the shadows Scott appears.
Scott: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Michelle.
Michelle: Because I saw Jessica and Scott making out at Babylon!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Scott: That's a lie! I was home watching Twenty-Four!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Michelle?
Michelle: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Estelle who has recently become engaged to Scott.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Estelle out here because Jessica had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... John that's right!
Estelle: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with John! You know I'm how I feel about John!.
Scott: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with John!
Estelle: Because I knew that I could never have John. But Jessica promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Scott: What about respect for MY feelings!
Michelle walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Estelle.
Michelle: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Scott: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Scott runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Scott: Jessica take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Scott: Married?
You nod.
Scott: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to John.
Estelle: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
John: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 23 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Jessica is married to John who Estelle has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Estelle has recently become engaged to Scott who was recently spotted kissing Jessica in the Babylon. Now on top of this Michelle has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Estelle.
John: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Cue cheesy background music and fade to black.

There's also a male version. Just for kicks, I filled that one out for Duo. Yes, I'm weird. Here are the results. (Again, unintentional yaoi here...)

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Tonight on the Jerry Springer show we have a particularly interesting episode! Duo is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend of his Heero. So everyone please put your hands together for Duo!
Jerry: Okay, now Duo you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other persons name?
You: Hilde.
The crowd SQUEALS with delight.
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Hilde, is actually here tonight -
The crowd SQUEALS.
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Duo, because as it happens there is someone else here to see YOU! So let's bring out... Trowa!
You: What the HELL!!!
Out of nowhere you pull out a scythe. Trowa reaches for the table. Out of the shadows Sally appears.
Sally: Wait everybody wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First tell us why you're here Trowa.
Trowa: Because I saw Duo and Sally making out at L2!
The crowd goes absolutely INSANE.
Sally: That's a lie! I was home watching Sailor Moon!
Jerry: (raising his hands) Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here...what exactly IS the problem Trowa?
Trowa: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Heero who has recently become engaged to Sally.
The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement.
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Heero out here because Duo had something that they needed to tell them anyway about... Hilde that's right!
Heero: (enters onto stage and saunters over towards you) What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Hilde! You know I'm how I feel about Hilde!.
Sally: (screams) What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Hilde!
Heero: Because I knew that I could never have Hilde. But Duo promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Sally: What about respect for MY feelings!
Trowa walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Heero.
Trowa: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
Again the crowd SQUEALS.
Sally: Oh my God! Are you SICK!
Sally runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly.
Sally: Duo take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing...I'm...well, I'm married...
The crowd does its bit.
Sally: Married?
You nod.
Sally: Who the hell are you married to? When...when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Hilde.
Heero: (screaming) WHAT!!!
Jerry: (grinning widely, makes an enquiry) So...did you have a nice wedding night?
Hilde: (stepping back out onto center stage) Well we had sex 26 times if that's what you mean.
The crowd squeals.
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight... Duo is married to Hilde who Heero has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Heero has recently become engaged to Sally who was recently spotted kissing Duo in the L2. Now on top of this Trowa has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Heero.
Hilde: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: (looking sternly into the camera) It is times like these that one has to wonder, whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks it's been great but for now...it's goodnight.
Cue cheesy background music and fade to black.

Yeah... Those were fun... ^_^

And... in case you haven't guessed by now (well, I have put up three things with him in the past few days and managed to claim him for the Soulmate clique), I'm a Duo fan. {{listens to a sarcastic chorus of "Wow, big surprise there!"}}

joke time
Conservative Thinking had a really funny joke up. Go read, it's worth it.

He also put up something that I found very interesting. It's not a joke, but I don't feel like making another title. Click here to read.