:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Tuesday, March 04, 2003 ::

does numbness count as depression?
I spent most of today feeling rather numb. Even when my "Weird Al" album came on, I couldn't laugh with the lyrics. I usually crack up with "Weird Al" in the car. I sang along because I know the words. I went through the entire album and all I could do was chuckle slightly when he yelled "I hate sauerkraut!" at the end of his last song. I finally did start feeling something again while I was watching the scene on Twenty-four when Jack started saying goodbye to Kim because he thought he was going to have to die.

I think the only reason I don't cause myself pain like some people in that situation do is because I have chronic pain anyway. I know I have physical sensations... Sometimes, all emotion just disappears and I don't feel anything in that department.

how was your day?
Other than the complete numbness I walked around with today, I went to the store for Mom, got her prescriptions and picked up some stuff we needed around the house. I tutored for a bit right before the final that I had tonight in math, too. I think the final went well. Working on the problems he assigned us over the weekend helped. He didn't even change the numbers and letters, just pulled all 21 questions straight from the list he gave us. That was really cool.

I just hope the students I tutored picked up on that, too. They seem to have bad test anxiety.

make the grade
Brigid singled me out in class last night (along with a few others). She was talking about how people who 'talked out' would get lower grades. Frankly, everyone else in the class was 'talking out', and I was just there trying to participate in the stupid discussion half the time. She even said it was an open forum class. It was just like that night when I sat there and all that was going through my head was "Type A! Type A!" because everyone was yelling and arguing, and no one was listening... And I didn't say anything on that night! I just put my head in my hands and tried to block out the overwhelming noise. I seriously thought I was going to flip out that night. I almost got up and walked out.

Figures... Just goes to show how my life's been lately.

I'd better not lose points and get a lower grade in this class because of that. If this class kills my GPA, I'm gonna freak. I have never held a 4.0 for more than one semester before. I will be so ticked off if I get a lower grade in a dumb class like that for something that wasn't even my fault!