:: Venting Insanity ::

:: Wednesday, February 05, 2003 ::

it's gone! all gone!
O.O;;; {{beats Blogger with a huge stick}} It lost this really long post I had yesterday. {{sobbing}} Actually, I think it was Cablevision's fault... not Blogger. My Internet connection's been acting weird lately.

medical update
My aunt's home from the hospital. Nana was upset that Auntie Lyn didn't sound happy that she was coming home. Well, considering "home" is the source of all her stress and the reason she had eight bleeding ulcers, I don't blame her! People think I'm horrible because I complain about my grandmother. If they knew her real side, they'd complain, too. She's my grandmother, yes, and I love her, but, HOLY COW can she be frustrating! And of course, she's going to overreact about Auntie Lyn being in the hospital, which is only going to stress my aunt out more. {{sigh}} And people wonder why I'm so damn uptight all the time. It's because my family's a mess!

On the other side (my dad's side), my grandmother has to have surgery on her back and hip. I wonder how Aunt Mary's going to react to this one. My dad is the oldest of six, three boys and three girls. Mary's the middle girl and has the typical "Middle Child Syndrome" of constantly having to be the center of attention. As soon as Karen (oldest girl) had her second child, Mary was pregnant with her third, even though the doctor told her not to have anymore because of her hip toubles. Sometimes I wonder if a lot of the medical problems with Mary and her family are just 'designer'. My cousin has anxiety attacks, so they put her on medication. Um... Hello? I have them, too. I can't afford medication, so I have to do everything the hard way. When Karen suggested on X-mas Eve that Megan might not actually need the medication, Mary freaked out and didn't talk to Karen until it was almost time to leave.

quit playing games
{{sigh}} I'm so tired of the fighting and the games. I really am. Nana's sister Anne is just like Mary. She instigates. She's always passing information back and forth to start fights, it seems. Maybe she thinks she's doing the right thing, or maybe she wants to be the savior and solve the problem she started, but it always makes things worse, and everyone ends up hating each other. Anne passed information about Jeannie's death from Peggy (Peggy's personal feelings, I might add) to Alline that she shouldn't have, and now Alline isn't talking to Peggy. O.O;;

My family is rather close, so I hear about, see, and somehow end up in the middle of all of this. I'm also the 'rock' of the family, so to speak. My mother, father, and I are the strong ones. We hold everyone else up. So, what happens? We get dumped on all the time. With no outlets of our own, we get stressed out. I'm not surprised my mother has all the problems she has. She gets ulcers a lot, too. She has diabetes and has trouble maintaining her numbers. She has hypertension and high blood pressure. My dad's losing his hair and has high blood pressure, too. I break out (eczema, acne, hives, dandruff), lose sleep, get sick, have stomach trouble, and go into a depression. Not to mention that almost every muscle in my body tightens up to the point where a massage actually hurts. Mom pulled a muscle in her neck once just by turning her head. I mean, if you're that tight, there's issues!

money plays a part
Sometimes I think we should head back to therapy for a while, even just to learn some stress relieving techniques. But, with Dad down to four days a week and me not working, we can't afford it. I have no health insurance, I have no money to buy individual health insurance, and I'm too old to be on my parents' plans anymore, so I'm not covered. I don't even know if their plans cover mental health professionals. So, we make do. We vent to each other, Dad plays Delta Force, I blog and do coding, Mom reads. It's the only thing we can do, right now.